http://www.infraxes.com/lonnie_sucks!.mp3
I’ve been finally tackling a lot of self doubt issues that stemmed from a friendship with someone that was really abusive, someone who I flat-out stopped communicating with about 7 years ago. In the early 90’s, I wasn’t nearly as nervous, I showed my music to everyone, I felt relatively good about myself, and then I met a walking encyclopedia named Lonnie.
Lonnie singlehandedly destroyed my self esteem and replaced it with self-hate. I went from having a huge list of friends to not communicating with anyone, locking myself away from the world except for my close friends. I went from showing my music to everyone and, maybe naively, sending it out all over the place, to showing it only to my close friends. Luckily I’ve been getting over a lot of it, but recent life changes has made me see what exactly got trampled upon.
Watching the body language of Bob Dylan on the PBS special on him, his nervous mannerisms that he tries to cover up, gave me a big kick in my a** as to what I need to start doing again, and in full force this time. I have some major life changes ahead of me, a thunderstorm of changes. I can’t be just sitting around letting life pass me by and expecting people to notice my music without making a major effort.
This song, which is absolutely a work in progress, is about me casting out my feelings about Lonnie and how much pain he has caused so many people who continue to hang out with him just so they can be mentally abused and degraded.
Here are the words:
Lonnie
You tried to mess up my life
You tried to disassemble my brain
Your psychoanalytical sadist mouth
Lonnie
You tried to make me ashamed of my emotions
You went out of your way to cause as much pain as you could
in a way that made me come back for more
You tried to tear me down
But look, I’m still standing
You tried to make me refrain
But look, I’m still writing
I’m still here
And you’re there stuck in your house
with your high IQ girlfriend you changed to be someone she’s not
While you twittle your thumbs and try to make everyone around you
feel as if they’re as dumb as a doorstop
and they keep coming back
Lonnie
You talk as if you’re Mr. Renaissance
You threw away your dreams
So you could crush everyone else’s
Lonnie
You get away with murder
You try to crush every last ounce
of what makes someone alive
You tried to make me believe I wasn’t good enough
You tell me to throw away my emotions
While your emotions have taken over your life
It doesn’t matter how much someone cares
You pillage the heart of creation
You cringe at the thought of imagination
And now you sit in your house
with your girlfriend you crafted to be your slave
While you twittle your thumbs and try to get praises
And convince everyone else that they’re dumb
and they keep coming back
But I’m still writing
But I’m still here
I didn’t submit to your mental mutilation
I’m still looking at things you won’t find in your library
As you think you’re the stuff that books are made of
Your intelligence relies on everyone else
I told you I’m tired of it
I promised you I’d never see you again
And I kept my promise
You tried to tear me down
But look, I’m still standing
You tried to make me refrain
But look, I’m still writing
I’m still here
And you’re there stuck in your house
with your high IQ girlfriend you changed to be your slave
While you twittle your thumbs and try to make everyone around you
feel as if they’re as dumb as a doorstop
and they keep coming back
I was the only one who told you like it was
And I’m still standing
I’m still writing
I’m still here