http://soundcloud.com/s-wrong/atramental-nearly-finished-w-i
I decided I’d make something a bit more chilled out for once. My monitoring situation is especially bad for the moment so I’d appreciate it if you could tell me if anything seems off. I’ll finish properly later, anyway, but it would be nice to get a heads-up. Any constructive crit is much appreciated.
Maybe reduce the attack on the flute. You could duplicate the strings track, but change the new one to a pluck instrument for a ska feel.
A ska feel was what I was going for. I’ll try that and see if it sounds right. Thanks!
Also, I’m thinking perhaps the intro is too long. Would you, dear readers, agree?
i think, the mood is not dark. the intro is not too long, but it lacks of tension.
bass definitely takes too long to come in… i would personally drop it around the 1:02 mark or something, but everything seems pretty solid. drums are pretty tight, bass is nice and dark, love how much darker and more minor the track seems to get on the 2nd drop.
the pads could do with being a little darker if you really are going for a dark feel… kind of brightens the sound up too much. same with the swoosh sound that drops in every once and a while… kind of sounds too much of a liquidy swoosh 
but that’s me, maybe i’m looking for too much of a dark sound, and you’re not!
also whatever is playing after the 2nd drop, those four notes being repeated… (not sure what the instrument is!) are maybe a little too loud.
Thank you all for constructive criticism!
I have some ideas for a new intro, so I will do things to it and maybe make some changes to the second breakdown as well.
I’ll look into some of the sounds I’m using and I’ll try and make the pad sound darker. I am keeping the swoosh though 
It’s not meant to be THAT dark anyway. Just dark-ish. Lots of minor chords, but no funereal dirge.
Cheers.
Hey
I’ve uploaded a new version. I think your comments have helped a lot, so thank you all!
definitely liking this version a lot more! I almost want to hear those chords keep being played after the bass drops, or maybe dropped back in half way through, around the 1:50 mark… the chords add such a chilly atmosphere, feels like it loses a bit of it after they’re gone.
and once again I LOVE how the bass sounds on the 2nd drop. good work man, definitely feels a lot more polished in this newer version.
out of interest, what is the instrument playing those chords up until the bass drops? kind of inspires me to do something similar in my own dark dubstep tune I was working on recently. is it some kind of flute? VST/rnsi would be very appreciated!
Thanks for your comments.
The instrument you’re talking about is called Rhodes-MarkOne.xrni and it came with a sample pack that was available for registered Renoise users back around 2.7, IIRC.
I accidentally put a Z3ta+ effect on the track it was in and I kinda liked it. I think the effect is simple combination of a chorus and a delay, so it should be easy to replicate if you don’t have that synth. (z3ta+ came free with Computer Music).
I deleted this song because I had a free, limited Soundcloud account. Now that there’s room for it, I’ve uploaded it again. Nice to see how much constructive criticism it got back in the day.