I created a brand new, pretty helpful BPM calculator with many features

Tips & Tricks
1

My other software was a failure; I should think of others rather than what I found back then good or useful, and I was an idiot. So I got digging and researching, and I think I’m the only one who made something like this. What it does is let you pick three options at the beginning of a terminal window.

[1] Enter Millisecond(s)-per-beat to get statistics
[2] Enter Beat(s)-per-second to get statistics
[3] Enter Beat(s)-per-minute to get statistics

If you pick [1], enter Millisecond(s)-per-beat to get statistics, and you enter the number 500. This is what it’ll show you.

Beats-Per-Minute: 120.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (2.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.50000000 Seconds = 500.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (4 Beats): 2.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 240.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (4.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.25000000 Seconds = 250.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (8 Beats): 1.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 480.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (8.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.12500000 Seconds = 125.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (12 Beats): 0.50000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 960.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (16.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.06250000 Seconds = 62.50000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (16 Beats): 0.25000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 1920.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (32.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.03125000 Seconds = 31.25000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (20 Beats): 0.12500000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 3840.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (64.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.01562500 Seconds = 15.62500000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (24 Beats): 0.06250000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 7680.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (128.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00781250 Seconds = 7.81250000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (28 Beats): 0.03125000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 15360.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (256.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00390625 Seconds = 3.90625000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (32 Beats): 0.01562500 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 30720.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (512.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00195312 Seconds = 1.95312500 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (36 Beats): 0.00781250 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 61440.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (1024.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00097656 Seconds = 0.97656250 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (40 Beats): 0.00390625 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 122880.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (2048.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00048828 Seconds = 0.48828125 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (44 Beats): 0.00195312 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 245760.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (4096.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00024414 Seconds = 0.24414062 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (48 Beats): 0.00097656 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 491520.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (8192.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00012207 Seconds = 0.12207031 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (52 Beats): 0.00048828 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 983040.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (16384.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00006104 Seconds = 0.06103516 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (56 Beats): 0.00024414 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 1966080.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (32768.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00003052 Seconds = 0.03051758 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (60 Beats): 0.00012207 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 3932160.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (65536.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00001526 Seconds = 0.01525879 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (64 Beats): 0.00006104 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 7864320.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (131072.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000763 Seconds = 0.00762939 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (68 Beats): 0.00003052 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 15728640.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (262144.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000381 Seconds = 0.00381470 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (72 Beats): 0.00001526 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 31457280.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (524288.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000191 Seconds = 0.00190735 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (76 Beats): 0.00000763 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 62914560.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (1048576.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000095 Seconds = 0.00095367 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (80 Beats): 0.00000381 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 125829120.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (2097152.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000048 Seconds = 0.00047684 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (84 Beats): 0.00000191 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 251658240.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (4194304.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000024 Seconds = 0.00023842 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (88 Beats): 0.00000095 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 503316480.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (8388608.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000012 Seconds = 0.00011921 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (92 Beats): 0.00000048 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 1006632960.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (16777216.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000006 Seconds = 0.00005960 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (96 Beats): 0.00000024 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 2013265920.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (33554432.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000003 Seconds = 0.00002980 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (100 Beats): 0.00000012 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 4026531840.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (67108864.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000001 Seconds = 0.00001490 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (104 Beats): 0.00000006 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 8053063680.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (134217728.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000001 Seconds = 0.00000745 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (108 Beats): 0.00000003 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 16106127360.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (268435456.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000373 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (112 Beats): 0.00000001 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 32212254720.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (536870912.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000186 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (116 Beats): 0.00000001 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 64424509440.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (1073741824.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000093 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (120 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 128849018880.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (2147483648.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000047 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (124 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 257698037760.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (4294967296.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000023 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (128 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 515396075520.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (8589934592.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000012 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (132 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 1030792151040.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (17179869184.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000006 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (136 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 2061584302080.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (34359738368.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000003 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (140 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 4123168604160.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (68719476736.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000001 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (144 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 8246337208320.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (137438953472.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000001 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (148 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 16492674416640.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (274877906944.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (152 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 32985348833280.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (549755813888.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (156 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 65970697666560.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (1099511627776.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (160 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 131941395333120.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (2199023255552.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (164 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 263882790666240.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (4398046511104.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (168 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 527765581332480.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (8796093022208.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (172 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 1055531162664960.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (17592186044416.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (176 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 2111062325329920.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (35184372088832.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (180 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 4222124650659840.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (70368744177664.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (184 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 8444249301319680.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (140737488355328.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (188 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 16888498602639360.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (281474976710656.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (192 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 33776997205278720.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (562949953421312.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (196 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 67553994410557440.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (1125899906842624.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (200 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 135107988821114880.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (2251799813685248.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (204 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 270215977642229760.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (4503599627370496.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (208 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 540431955284459520.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (9007199254740992.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (212 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 1080863910568919040.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (18014398509481984.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (216 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 2161727821137838080.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (36028797018963968.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (220 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 4323455642275676160.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (72057594037927936.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (224 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 8646911284551352320.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (144115188075855872.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (228 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 17293822569102704640.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (288230376151711744.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (232 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 34587645138205409280.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (576460752303423488.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (236 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 69175290276410818560.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (1152921504606846976.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (240 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 138350580552821637120.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (2305843009213693952.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (244 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 276701161105643274240.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (4611686018427387904.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (248 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 553402322211286548480.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (9223372036854775808.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (252 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Beats-Per-Minute: 1106804644422573096960.000 BPM
Beats-Per-Second: (18446744073709551616.000) Hz
Length Of 1 Beat: 0.00000000 Seconds = 0.00000000 ms
Length Of 1 Bar (256 Beats): 0.00000000 Seconds

Scroll up to see the calculated data
[R]edo or [Q]uit?

You get the idea. If you want 4 beats per second in the second option, just type in and enter 4 when you pick that option. If you want BPM statistics, type in the BPM value. Decimals are also allowed. And I put no limit on how high it can go, only what the computer can handle; it also handles negative numbers just for fun, I guess. It also goes up to 256 lines per beat just for the sake of completion; I think what you’d want is up to 64. Anyways, The calculations are seemingly instant, and I ran it on a netbook, and on Linux, the software uses 4.0 KB of RAM. I’m sure someone can find this useful; I sometimes like messing with it. A Linux executable is included with the source code. So if you want to run it on Windows or macOS, you’d have to compile it yourself.

Download Renoise Tempo Mate (v1.0.0-beta)

3 Likes
2

I just thought of other ideas. I’ll get back to you guys when I add a little more stuff to it. I’ll give you the complete package when I’m done. I was thinking of three other features and things that were missing. If you guys don’t want to compile the code yourself, I can try to release it for other systems. The thing about it is that I only have Linux, and I can’t test it on anything else, so it may be buggy if I do that.

3

This reminds me a bit of https://musiccalculator.com ← have you seen that one?

(Not a sponsor, heh… just something I’ve had bookmarked for years…)

.

Can you describe a typical scenario where you might need to calculate these particular values and how you might use/apply them in your own song creation process?

Beyond a long list of interesting numbers – which I do enjoy, don’t get me wrong – why might I need this in my own creative process?

How do you use this information?

How do you apply it to your own Renoise workflow?

.

^^^ I think this is where you may lose a lot of potential users…

Rather than offering a pre-compiled Linux binary, or requiring Win/Mac users to compile the code themselves (which I guarantee most people won’t bother with, or even know how to do), have you considered using Renoise’s own Lua scripting API instead?

Even if you’ve never coded in Lua before, it’s really trivial and a total breeze to learn the basics, so it genuinely shouldn’t be a problem to port your calculator functionality over to Lua in the form of a Renoise Tool.

This would immediately make your calculator accessible to all Renoise users on Windows, Mac, and Linux, and allow people to check it out much more easily.

You can find all of the necessary information here:

2 Likes
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For sure! I have no idea how to compile anything. I’ve tried to learn it but as a non-coder I just get lost in the woods. Rarely, if ever have I compiled anything successfully. I realize that for you programming wizards out there that’s not that big of a hurdle. But for folks like me it just means I’ll never use your software.

I use anotherproducer.com’s delay time calculator. Or use Renoise’s delay to calculate my delay time for me in milliseconds.

5

That’s fast, even for hardcore tekkkno. But it seems I missed something here.

4 Likes
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Hipitchcore :metal::metal::metal:

7

So fast, the song finished playing before you hit play.

Anyway, I think a Renoise tool would be really useful as it would listen to the tempo and all other timing data automatically, and could adjust accordingly. I made a similar thing for Bitwig which I use often, especially for entering values for envelope parameters.

8

Well, the only cool thing I’ve gathered from my program is putting 3.69 beats per second—60 x 3.69—to give me a BPM of 221.400 BPM. I was curious because of something Nikola Tesla was saying about the significance of the number 369, so I tried it and typed it into Renoise. It actually sounds good and perfect as a tempo. If you listen to a 369 Hz sine wave, you will actually feel an energizing effect, and something about 528 Hz frequency pops up in the multiples of 11 and the 11th harmonic, which seems actually dangerous if you combine an 11 Hz sine wave with another 111 Hz sine wave; they say it cures cancer. The thing about it is that the guy online lied about the numbers of the 11th harmonic, and I tried it because I know about Hz and it actually shatters biological life. If you want to test a crazier version, add a 48-Hz sine wave with a 528-Hz sine wave and a 5808-Hz sine wave. It’s nuts if you combine these. Look at the wave form in Audacity; it’s beautiful and interwoven. I used myself like a guinea pig; I would smell a weird scent coming out of my nose when I listened to it on my headphones right away. Anyway, if you guys know about The Sickest Squad, there was this one song where they made the tempo just perfect—not too fast, not too slow. I was wondering how they came up with the math; it actually does sound like the tempo I found.

9

I clearly don’t fully understand what you must be going through, so in hindsight I’ll just say best of luck with your health and future audio experiments. Peace.

3 Likes
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Executing a precompiled unknown binary is a No-Go!!!

1 Like
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On the other hand, not even the Renoise tool will guarantee your safety :wink:

12

the urge to reply is strong. i’ll just “mute” and move on.

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Nevermind, I’ll just give up on my next project, it was a theme generator which had all 120 crayola colors with a GUI with selectors, which is not a calculator, bye, I’m removing myself from these forums. You people are just like everyone else I meet in life, I’m real while everyone is a robot/actor, then they call me the robot, like Radiohead - Paranoid Android, even when I call people on their crap, they make me look Schizophrenic, even Alice in Wonderland has symbolism about me. “We’re all mad here” Yes, everyone’s mad, excluding me, crazy and deceptive and fear-mongering. they try to make me look crazy, in the past I was lied to by my mother making me look like I beat her up when I was 8 which I didn’t do, and I knew it what I remembered and wanted to move back to the island from another country because of the nostalgia, worst mistake, then she took me to the doctor 2 years later and he said do you think the whole world revolves you - without diagnosing me at first. At that time I said no. I was always distracted not knowing my family at all, then years later they seem way off, they didn’t let me experience reality, they didn’t even get to know me, I must be adopted, everyone brings it up in my family, the whole orphan thing indirectly, mirroring me and trying to make me go back to my old self - my youngest sister, and my mom said the youngest and the oldest are so alike. She’s much older now, but acts the way I act when I was in highschool and she acts unstable and easily pissed and has a fucking job. anyways, you guys probably already know this. when I perfect myself, everyone I know in life that comes up to me with aliases either with my name. Or someone else’s name in another song I listened to, they try to make me think it’s meant to be, now I know it’s all a trick. Why do people refer me as “1” when I’m in the dead center of everything? This life is a joke. Everything is a lie, including religion. I could relate to everyone in some shows, every single character appearing in the show. I’m typing frantically, because I don’t give really much of a hell being correct. As I expect, nobody will even say a damn thing to this. When I called my mom on her bs that she set me up, she said I know with a evil smirk on her face, I can’t exactly pinpoint how the conversation went, that’s the gist of it. Screw everything. Video games weren’t really an addictive thing until, “Special Ed” came in and fucked up my life, my “s e teacher” turned the less than sign backwards and said the big fish is behind the point and the mouth eats the smaller number. She made me unable to tell the difference between greater than or less than when it came up in real school. SE was all about play games to fuckign learn, I could’ve been a damn genius, no everything had to fuck with me and make me stupid, then when I try to correct myself either morally or logically, then that’s “bring him back down, that’s fucking good for us”. I also got pulled out during out in the middle of class by mom to get glasses for no damn reason and got glasses when my vision was perfectly fine. I always got handed over geeky looking ugly frames, I never picked anything for myself and if I did, it’s something like either computers or videogames, that’s the only two things that I can actually pick from my family. and How the fuck did I just walk from my room to my sister’s room that my stepfather was using and lift up the mattress and expecting something to be there and finding playboy mags, then later on my mom knew somehow but indirectly, she said where’s your playboy when she meant gameboy and didn’t even correct herself, I was fucking 10 years old. You guys don’t even give a damn of a worth of a shit like everyone else. I argue with my family now which are fake people, because now I know and they keep acting “realistic” as in believable. But it’s all mind games. error.eyes is a part of it, because my eyes are getting fucked up from drinking water. I don’t give a fuck if I die for telling the truth, my life is already worthless, I’m on a fucking island with fake-ass people on it, I was raised and groomed to always want it the easy way, now I’m tricked into this Public Guardian shit, and now I can’t even leave the damn country. It’s the Damn Truman Show. I was tricked to get the Moderna Shot at the Mental Facility by my mom, she said you can’t go anywhere without your shot records. I was on the Prolixin Shot so I had to take that damn Moderna because I had to go somewhere, but I was so damn naive. Ends up, she’s wrong, you can almost go anywhere here without it. I’m fucking god-damn 36 years old, I was put on meds to be a mindless idiot, that can’t do shit for himself, as in finding a job, doing anything constructive or creative. Why is it that my family are all psychologic manipulators? You people are all the same. Where can I find real people? Shit. Seems like a freakin’ simulation, dream, purgatory. I don’t know what it is, When my sister says you gotta find God bro in a sorrowful way, I yelled at her for her bs because I tried and everyone then plays the devil afterwards, oh so tranquil and perfect state laying on the couch with his eyes closed, let me yell angrily at him to go eat which was my mom. Why would music be about me lyrics, like Bone Thugs Crossroads, I miss my uncle charles and they killed my dog lines, I know someone by the name of uncle charles who worked at a catholic church to do my whole grandfather’s rosary prAYING for him. Sometimes he goes out with us and her died later less than a year maybe. And my favorite dog that I always played with, someone murdered her with a huge rock on top of her. FUck this damn world. Nobody tells me any sort of truth, just play “invisible” chess with him, I’m pacifistic and harmless, it’s just like my other friend that pushed ideology in me, pick on the weak and be a pussy and get hurt so easily physically and bitch while getting hurt by someone else, before that I was a man, but he instilled these ideas into me to be more like him. I’m a man now, but one, that waits for death and doesn’t harm anyone physically or kill anyone. Nevermind I guess this is enough, if I write a whole book about my life beginning to end and some of you guys are not part of some sort of conspiracy. Dude , nevermidn I’m off. Fuck correcting my writing, I’m laying down while typing.

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Not online, bro. You can only find real human connection out in the real world. And then only by being vulnerable and real and patient yourself. Good luck, man. Sounds like you haven’t had the easiest time in life. But everyone faces hardship. Adversity is how we grow. Hope you find some peace

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I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden of pain, frustration, and confusion. It’s important to acknowledge that what you’re going through is real and valid, and you deserve support and understanding.

It seems like there are a lot of complex emotions and experiences that you’ve been through, and it’s clear that you’re struggling to make sense of them. It’s okay to seek help and talk to someone who can offer you support, whether it’s a trusted friend or a mental health professional. They can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings and help you navigate through these difficult emotions.

Additionally, it might be beneficial to reflect on your goals and aspirations. You mentioned a project involving a theme generator with crayola colors, which sounds like a creative and interesting endeavor. Maybe, when you’re feeling up to it, you could revisit this project or explore other creative outlets that bring you joy and fulfillment.

It’s also worth considering seeking therapy or counseling to work through some of the complex family dynamics and experiences you’ve described. A trained professional can help you process these feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

Remember, you’re not alone, and there are people out there who genuinely care and want to support you. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. You’re valuable, and your feelings matter. (chatgpt)

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I’m not well enough to offer any help. Your words convey pain, if they’re genuine that is, for what it might be worth I empathise with you and wish you well. Depending where you are in the world, I suspect you might need a stay in hospital and to accept that meds, even though they blunt your reality, are helpful for keeping your feet on the ground.

Stay safe and get well.

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Sounds genuine to me. I also hope things get better for OP, that must be quite a difficult headspace to live in. While I’ve never had delusions or anything of the sort, simply being two shades of neurodivergent can feel like a lot some days… so I can’t really imagine how hard that must be.

I also like the idea for the theme generator! Maybe one day when you’re (OP) feeling more stabilized, you’ll come back with a vengeance and see this project through! I love the creative spirit :slight_smile:

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Yeah, I am grateful my mental health never got to the stage of delusions - sounds awful.

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