Kieran aka dblue a fellow friend and Renoise member passed away

General Discussion
21

Hello everyone. When tragedies like this happen, I always take stock to make sure I’ve been brave and open enough to say “I love you” to those people who mean so much to me. It’s essential to leave this world with your homework done. You never know when it might be your turn.

I’m so sorry for the loss of Kieran! He was a strong-willed person who kept people in line here on the forums when things went astray.

I remember starting to learn Lua programming here on the forums quite a few years ago, and I fondly remember the names of four people who helped guide me. DBlue was one of them, along with joule, danoise, and taktik. I didn’t find the solutions, but rather the path, and I’ve always valued that greatly. That’s how I initially learned: how to map out the paths.

I remember this guy advising me on the correct way to pass variables through a function and how to structure a function so it could be reused elsewhere. Things you learn and end up using repeatedly.

I didn’t know I had perfect pitch; wow, I always wanted that!!! I always loved his choice of track colors for his song “Tension.” People like him helped me finally learn how to develop and use Lua tools like Piano Roll Studio and the MIDI Universal Controller for Renoise, among others. In the end, we all helped each other along the way.

Thanks for keeping the forums organized and for being true to yourself! I am aware of the personal struggles and battles that each of us fights silently in this world, which is sometimes too cruel depending on the condition we start from…

My condolences to his friends and family! Now it’s time to keep it in our minds and hearts…

10 Likes
22

Rest in peace, @dblue :milky_way:
Your presence will be missed :folded_hands:

6 Likes
23

Kieran in honor
Kieran in honor1123×1401 55.4 KB

In memory of Kieran

2 Likes
24

RIP dBlue

4 Likes
25

Fuck. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

We were chatting on the phone the other day. Shortly after he deleted his discordserver and we wanted to meet. He had so much funny bones and he was legendary nice. I really “loved” him, after we facetimed.

This hits too hard. Fuck.

Crying.

Shit.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DYYOOzCMm6f/

7 Likes
26

First time I heard about illformed was when my (then) band sound engineer told me about Glitch VST, it was over a decade ago.

Little did i know i was going to use softwares Kiera was involved with from then on, yet here we are.

rest in peace

3 Likes
27

I was contemplating if i should write here or not, the things i would like to say i’d consider too private for a public post. I had first contact to Kieran around 2006 through the Renoise forum, later on mail, various Messengers, IRC, Skype, Steam, WhatsApp, Signal, Discord etc, the friendship deepened in 2011 on a personal level right here in Berlin. Thanks for all the fun and sillyness we had, the sad and dark times we shared, joy in creating and learning. It’s been 20 long years, you will be dearly missed my friend. May the winds be whooshing wherever you are.

11 Likes
28

I don’t know him personally. When we discussed OPUS, we simply exchanged comments along the lines of, “How can someone who makes music software plugins not know about OPUS?!”
However, since he is a moderator on this forum and a member of the Renoise team, I felt there was a high likelihood that he was someone I could indirectly trust.
For me, Renoise inspires deep trust because of its design philosophy, its discerning judgment regarding “which features to add and which to leave out,” the thorough thought put into those decisions, and the passion for achieving “truly reliable performance.” I truly trust their cautious approach, which prioritizes reliable operation over flashy features.
In the Opus thread mentioned above, he seemed to think I was younger than him, but I actually think I’m two years older. Since the tracker and demo scene culture was virtually nonexistent in Japan, I’m a complete “newcomer” and “latecomer” to this.
But I’m still amazed by the breadth of applications and high versatility that trackers and Renoise offer—things you just don’t find in existing DAWs. Renoise was the closest thing to the environment I’d always had in the back of my mind—the one where I’d think, “I wish I had a setup like this”—and I’m still discovering new ways to use it.
Judging by everyone’s comments, he must have been someone who continued to strongly support the operation and development of Renoise.
Anyway, he was younger than me, but unfortunately, I heard here that he has already passed away.
We are no exception. I want to live my life in a way that minimizes the regrets I might have right before I die.
If I were to die right now, my “score for how well I’ve done in my life” would be, frankly, about 2 out of 100.
I want to raise this score as much as possible, aiming to go beyond 100.
Reality is cruel. His current situation is my own—one that could come at any moment.
I believe it’s better to view things like this with a pessimistic outlook.
I don’t know if such a state even exists, but assuming it does, I’ll pray for the repose of both my and his soul.
That’s how I honestly feel.

3 Likes
29

that fucking sucks :frowning: hopefully he’s in a better place now

3 Likes
30

This hit very hard. I’ve known him for a long time through IRC and we had many long personal conversations and late night gaming sessions. He was an intense and interesting guy, endlessly generous. I don’t let a lot of people get close, but he got in there. We learned lots from each other every time we talked.

I think Kieran had a magnetism to him in a sense. There are so many wonderful people I’ve been privileged to get to know or just spend time in proximity with because of him. His channel more or less kept IRC relevant to me single handed, the man was a revolving system walking.

We drifted apart a bit in recent years, through no fault of his. Now I miss him terribly.

Rest easy, brother

8 Likes
31

This is so sad. I thought Kieran always had this bit of genius. I never had a chance to met him in person but we chatted so many times as we developed Renoise bits and pieces. You’ll be missed.

6 Likes
32

I met Kieran after making some renoise videos. Then glitch ones. I don’t remember the exact way, but we wound up becoming good friends. He was such a light in this world.

He had this way about him that was real and just raw, and I loved him for it. He and I had many conversations over Whatsapp, and discord over the years.

I always felt happy when we talked, constantly laughing and joking. He was such a goofball and had such a grand sense of humor. I really enjoyed our banter and just goofiness together.

I think eventually I landed on his #illformed IRC channel and paled around there with Jenoki and Beatslaughter and Gattington and a few other folks. We played Rocket League, it was a real blast.

He used to get so salty from playing randoms in Rocket League. But never for real, always just like good natured goofin around and making a ruckus.

He showed me a lot of stuff about music and Renoise. Shared his love of the vast music he liked and was always ready to help.

I didn’t meet him in real life. He was supposed to come visit, but he couldn’t get a visa or something like that. We’re in the US here in Michigan, and he was going to come to the US and make a tour of it visiting his friends in New Mexico and everywhere else they were.

He and I exchanged Christmas gifts one year and he sent this wonderful basket with jams and jellies and fruits and meats to me and my family. I sent him a lame pixel art pixel frame thing (I was into Divoom Pixoo at the time) hoping we could draw things for each other and share goofy stupid things we found. He didn’t use it though.

This world is a shittier and darker place without Kieran.

RIP my friend, you are missed, and you won’t be forgotten.

He was one of the few people I could really be my 100% goofy self with who just “got me”. I’m sure we all have feelings like that for him. Such a good guy.

Miss you man.

8 Likes
33

Tragic news

Really sad to lose a long term part of the backbone of this community. I never met him in real life but this thread shows snapshots of the larger than life character I imagined him to be! Condolences to all who did have the pleasure of his real life friendship and company and of course to any family who he leaves behind.

grateful as a fellow renoiser for what he shared here

Rest in peace dBlue

7 Likes
34

I’ve been texting him. I don’t know when his number will become someone elses, but, for now I still feel like I’m communicating with him.

4 Likes
35

Fuck. Like it has been said already, this hits hard.

Kieran, a kindred spirit, a multi-talented gentleman, a globetrotter and an person that touched a lot of lives. Probably more than he would have imagined.

Like many of you, I got to know him on this forum. I think we bonded through the competitions that were thrown every now and then. Just stupid little challenges like write a tune with a single sound, or a single channel, or whatever. But those challenges were also opportunities to hone the craft of trackerism - something he truly excelled at, and that we both enjoyed to take part in.

Another thing Kieran excelled at is/was fairness. Sure, in his role as moderator, but I came to know him well enough to learn that it applied to pretty much everything in his life. He always treated other people with respect. And he was the genuine article that would say the same thing to you in person as behind your back. Just 100% integrity.

Kieran, wherever you are, RIP and know that your friends will never forget you.

Yes, I remember that moment. Love him for it.

10 Likes