Oh hai, Jebus iz bornd
'Roun dis tiyem, Caesar Augustus wuz like, “I can has sensus?” ('Coz while Quirinius was Teh Boz of Syria, is invisible census!) And all teh doodz went home for teh saying, “I is heer!” So Joseph went from Naz’reth to Judeeah to Bethlehemm whar David wuz borned, 'coz David wuz hiz graete-graete gran-daddie, An Mary went wif him, 'coz she was gonna be married wif him an she was preggerz. When wuz time for teh kittn to be borned, it wuz a boy, so he wuz wrapd in blanket like burrito an placd him in fud dish (srsly!), cuz innkeeper wuz liek, no room here kthxbye!
Sheep-doodz n Angels
Then there wuz sheep-doods in teh field, an they wuz watchin teh sheep in teh dark. Iz vry vry boring. srsly. An suddenly, visible angel! An glory! O noez!! But teh angel sed, “DONT AFRAID OF ENYTHING! it r ok, you can has gud news for all teh doodz! Todai in da city ov David, you can has sayvur! is Christ da Lord! wt! Iz sign fer u, find da kitteh wrapd like brrito in a big fud dish.” An suddenly, moar angelz! They sez, “wt to teh Ceiling Cat! An peace fer doodz he luffs! Kthxbai.”
An when da angelz go invisible again, sheep-doodz sed, “sweet, nao we find teh brrito-baybee sayvur!” So dey left da sheeps (sheeps r vry borng) and found Joe an Mary and da baybee in da fud dish. An when dey saw it wuz baybee an not brrito, they told evrywun he wuz kewl, An all teh doodz who herd were lyke, “neat-o brrito!” An Mary wuz lyke, “o rly?” Teh sheep-doodz sed, “Yay fer Ceiling Cat! Was not invisible brrito!” On dai noomber ate, it wuz tiem circumcize him (iz laik getting fixd) an they called him Jebus, 'coz teh angel sed tht wuz hiz name.
Jebus brung to teh templlez
When Jebus’ mom an dad wer dun gettin cleen by lickin themslvs, they took teh baybee to Jerusalem to bee presenteded to Ceiling Cat ('coz hiz law sed so) an to sacrimifice two birdeez ('coz he sed thats teh roolz). So der wuz dis dood calld Simeon, an he wuz a gud dood and teh Ceiling Cat thot he wuz kewl. It had been reveald to him by Hover Cat dat he wud not dye before he had seen teh lordz Christ wrappeded lk burito. He wuz hangin out in da temple and when he saw da baybee burito, Simeon did not eated baybee but insteads hugged him an sed, “Spiffy Ceiling Cat, I can to be dying nao, 'coz I saw teh salvation and teh coolness that u maded for all teh peoplez an stuffs, for teh Gentiles and for teh gloree uv Israel.” His Mom an Dad were lyke, “sweet, are baybee iz teh kewlness!” Simeon sed, “yer baybee iz destined to make teh rizing and falling of lotz of doodz in Israel, an doodz will say he iz not kewl, but all teh heartz will be revealed. O ya, and yer sole will be peerced, too, but nvm that wan, iz gonna be ok.” So der waz also an old proffit ladee named Anna (I meen REALLY old), an her daddy wuz Phanuel, an hiz famlee wuz Asher, an she wuz a widder. Sadness! She wuz in teh temple all teh time for teh praying an stuffs and sumetimes she maded cookies. She saw da baybee an sed, “thx, Ceiling Cat! U rokk!” an told all teh doodz about how Jerusalem waz gonna be a kewl place agen sumdai.
Goez bak Naz’reth
When dey were dun wif all teh leegal stuffs, it wuz tiem to go home to Naz’reth. And teh baybee got to be big and tuff and smart and Ceiling Cat thot he was a purty gud kid, if ya know what I means.
Boy Jebus in da templlez, agen!
Evry yeer, hiz parentz went to Jeruzalem for teh Passover par-tay with all teh gud fudz, like lambses an crackerz an wine an of cours cheezburgerz an yummy stuffs. When he wuz , Jebus gots to go, too. Sweet! After teh partay wuz over, Jebus decideded to stays der, but hiz parents didnt knowtice. They kinda kept on goin wifout even askin, “Jebus, whar u be?” cos they thot he wuz wif othr famileez on teh trip. But then they did not saw him, an sed, “oh noez! whar are u, Jebus???” Tree hole daze lr, dey found him at da temmmple wif da teechur doodz bein all smrt an stuffs. s-m-r-t. smrt. Evrybodee sed, “whoa, teh dood is rly smrt, srsly!” But his parents were lyke, "omg Jebus, wtf? an Jebus was lyke, “dood, I can has bein wif my Dad dis hole tyme!” An Joseph was lyke, “o rly? no wai!” So dey all went home togetha an Jebus wuz a gud kid. But all along, hiz momma was lyke, “o rly?”
An Jebus wuz big an smrt and both Ceiling Cat an doodz thot he was purty kewl, like teh beez kneez and stuffs.