- I’ve been stuck-up in general without knowing I was.
I thought trying to be “nice” would make me not stuck-up. FALSE. I had to realize how I was being.
- I thought I was better than other people.
I wasn’t really much better than the Pat Robertson types–the main difference was that I thought I was better for different reasons.
- I used to be in the whole “nobody can REALLY relate with me, not REALLY” mindset. How emo.
It was some strange sort of way to feel like I’m separate from others that I both prided myself in AND felt it was the cause of all my anguish. Like I said, HOW EMO.
- I was stuck-up musician.
I thought I was “too good” to perform other people’s songs. It thought it took more talent to write and perform music than it did to just write or just perform and made myself believe I was better than others because I’m able to do both. My writing isn’t really “THAT” great–it’s not bad, I think it’s good (if I didn’t think it was any good I wouldn’t write it), but for me to put it above others was very arrogant of me. I usually suck as a lyricist–most of my songs, if they have words, I get by by the skin of my teeth lyrically.
I don’t know how to describe the things that I recently realized that caused a domino effect in realizations, but it has changed the way I look at EVERYTHING. It’s strange how realizing just ONE thing can domino into a thousand other things.
I don’t feel manic anymore. I don’t feel excruciatingly happy at one point and then almost crying (or actually crying) at the next point anymore. I can talk with others and feel like I’m an equal, like others can relate because I can now relate with others. I can actually put on other people’s shoes now and not just PRETEND to put them on (and act all nice as if I really understood but didn’t).
I’d like to apologize for my past actions, but I cant apologize for doing the best that I knew how at the time.
I just want to thank you all for being awesome!