Everything has already been posted by others, so I’ll just add a few thoughts.
Mostly, Scott, you “just” sound depressed, and when you’re in that dark place, everything seems bleak. When I get there, I hold onto the thought that it’s just brain chemistry being a little off balance and that it’ll pass (the nice/annoying thing about life is that it’s always changing, which sucks when you’re temporarily happy, but it’s handy when you’re not), and I try not to make any decisions while negativity overshadows and taints my views and opinions in that “bleh” sort of sickly color.
Granted, your depression sounds more severe since you mentioned medication (which further influences your perception), but still, I think it might be good to just float some with it for now with an “okay, I don’t need to decide this right now” kind of mindset, if possible. If you can, try to break that cycle where you endlessly analyze and ponder the same issue again and again and again until you feel so overwhelmed that you just want to run away or numb yourself into oblivion. I guess what I’m trying to get at is the suggestion to relax and get into a place of radical acceptance where problems aren’t so red-hot and where you realize that only because something is a certain way now doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way, but if that was always so easy, we’d all be blissfully happy. But we can try!
I’ll chip in a book recommendation. Not necessarily for the message of it (though it’s not a bad one), but just for the writing and the inevitable mood boost you will probably get from it: “Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting”, by Lynn Grabhorn. I often go back to it when I feel I need to shift my mindset and get “buzzing”.
Second, I was pointed to an eye-opening book called Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck, a researcher in motivation and success. The main point I took away from reading that book was that I could learn to improve just about anything about myself that I wanted, including things like willpower, focus, commitment, and creativity. The most important thing involved in the learning is practice. Talent is largely a head start on the way to mastery, but practice can overtake and pass raw talent that is left unnurtured. Mindset is a source of many peoples’ dissatisfaction with themselves and others, and it tends to create conflict and unproductive competition between people who are trying to impress each other with their innate talent (or the manufactured image of their innate talent).
thanks for the heads up! i’m almost finished with it and it’s spot on. wish i had this mindset when i was young tbh!
I changed my mind about this. If you can give it up then you should. Most likely is that you can’t give it up, in which case you were not meant to give it up.
Everybody already said it, and gave great advice. I would have said much of the same Instead I’m just going to add two things:
If you really don’t enjoy making music any more, then take a break. No use in building resentment by doing a hobby against your will. But remember that a break is supposed to be TEMPORARY, so be sure to revisit making music every once in a while. Just give it a little go as often as possible, but tell yourself: No strings attached, I’m just going to PLAY around, see if I’m having fun, and if not, no big deal, go read a book or something and come back in a week or so.
PLAY around. Who cares if you’re creating/finishing a new track, I can completely lose myself by making a single 16-line acid bassline pattern and tweaking the knobs on my MIDI controller for HOURS. Throw in a vocoder VST and you’ll never hear from me again. I don’t know what’s your weakness (as in sounds you love), just noodle around, make noises. It’s even better if there’s a friend around who loves the same stuff while you’re giggling like a maniac.
I think the poll is a silly question (like others said, if you love making music, you cannot quit even if you wanted), but after reading the thread I’m going to vote “NO YOU SILLY PUPPY” just in case.
I hope you get better. Depression sucks. It’s a battle, one that you can’t ever give up. Like many in this thread, I also know from experience. With a wry grin, at least the battle gives you something to do (if that’s not helpful, just ignore it–it’s how I keep myself going sometimes).
as we both are “renoise veterans” and even some sort of online-friends, I give you this advice: Don’t stop. I am currently taking a break from making music (since 5 years) because I got married, 3 kids and I don’t have the time (now) to continue. And I hate it
Music, especially the creationprocess is a gift which has to be used. Look at all those people in the clubs or elsewhere who possibly love music but have no idea, how to “do that stuff”. We are gifted renoisers and we now how to push a machine with some samples and some software to sound like a thing called “music”. We should be proud about our talent.
So, stopping is no alternative. But taking a break is allowed
Edit: I read your ocd/depression-thing now. I take that as a “you just have to continue making music” because whenever you do something you like and does not hurt you, do it. That usually counts for sex but also works for music
Hey just an update, and again a big THANKS to all of you who replied to the thread.
Just wanted to give an update, that I decided to do a couple remasters of some old songs, to kind of get back into the hang of production, without necessarily having to create too much new content right now. I might also do some goofy 80’s music covers, just for fun.
Thank you again for all the support.
P.S… Marc Shake, when are we gonna do a collab, man!?? I guess when our kids are grown???
I’ll keep that in mind man and you should hear from me, I estimate within the next 24 moon cycles . Also you have 38 more forum posts than I do, I’m catching up to you , you better watch out
But we can try!
I’ll keep that in mind man and you should hear from me, I estimate within the next 24 moon cycles 
. Also you have 38 more forum posts than I do, I’m catching up to you , you better watch out 