Writing Lyrics

OK. Sorry if my previous comment sounded like if I knew the one objective truth. There isn’t any. And I agree, with a grain of salt, a well-thought arrangement (with convincing singing!) and a clever video, your lyrics could work.

I didn’t mean to show what’s better and what’s worse. That’s for sure a useless (and endless) discussion. For me personally the songs described in my previous comment work much better, though :)