so i’m 44 and really lost at the moment
i want to hear stories of people that turned there lives around , and i don’t just mean in the music industry , did they get off the drugs and got a big paid job , they got a small business , some online success , dj in front of 5 thousand people etc
i find sometimes people can be negative in the real world and say “ just accept who you are “ and they put these successful people on a pedestal like it’s not achievable and you have to be born like that , but do we have to believe that if we have always underachieved or had a lack of self belief we always will ? please share some positive stories thank you .
My story takes place over many years and the struggle is still ongoing, but I’ve been seeing light at the end of the tunnel recently. Back in 2009, I graduated with a degree in computer games technology, but when I say I graduated, it was barely. In my final year of school, about the time my dissertation was 3/4 complete, my computer died in such a way that it took out my dissertation project and all my backups since the external drives were plugged in at the time. I started over since I didn’t have a choice, but since I only had months to finish it, it was terrible, and not surprisingly, it was a failure. This caused me to finish my degree with Third Class Honors, which in the Scottish school system is basically just proof that I showed up. I intended to stay in the UK and find a job after graduating, but due to how badly my degree ended and the economy rapidly collapsing around that time, I left for the US feeling I’d just wasted the last 4 years. After being unable to find a job, I eventually joined the military as a linguist since I had always been good at learning new languages.
Unfortunately, 8 months into training, I started to really struggle to keep up, and they dropped me from the training. Because of the cost of sending me to that training, they treated me like a criminal and I spent over 2 months cleaning barracks and doing hard labor while not being allowed to talk to anyone in case it might affect other trainees’ morale while they decided what to do with me. I eventually got sent to a ship where I’d work for a year before being allowed to apply for a different job. The prior couple of years left me very angry, and I was drunk most of the time after that. I got lucky in that no matter how often I showed up to the ship drunk or had violent outbursts, I didn’t see any real consequences from it. I was eventually given a job since none of the ones I picked were on the ship, and they wanted to keep me on the ship. I was apparently good at it, though, because I advanced quickly and outpaced many people who didn’t have to wait 2 years before they could start advancing. I still drank a lot throughout all of this and at one point ended up in a terrible marriage, probably because of the alcohol, that I fought to keep together for 7 years with no good reason as I knew pretty early on the marriage should never have happened at all. Towards the end of 2019, I got out of the military with PTSD. I finally got around to divorcing my ex but was left with a mountain of debt that will probably still be around for another 5 years. As much as I hated my time in the military, it did give me some benefits and allowed me to get a VERY good paying job that involves very little stress and has given me the chance to go back to college for a BA in History, which I’ll be graduating from next year having so far stayed on the Dean’s List since the beginning. I turn 39 this year and still often feel like I’ve wasted most of that time, but had I not gone through all of that hardship, I would not be able to afford my house, go back to college, or do many of the things I like to do with my free time. My PTSD will probably always be an issue, I may never get a full night’s sleep again, and I’m often in a lot of pain, but even with all the bad, I can still look back at some truly unique experiences most people never have.
Mate that is an amazing story well done , you seem to have always tried when the going got tough , im actually tired of peoples attitudes when your not doing well , not many people will actually believe that you can do something and especially when your over a certain age , what normally brings me back is thinking yeah i can still do something with my life but 3 years of letting my mind slide and my weight slide , it seems like a mountain , and i’m 44 and still thinking i want to do something with music perform etc , so it’s nice to hear stories like this instead of the negative “listen mate your 44 your done now come on get real “ your story is a real inspirational one mate thank you .
Health is definitely harder to maintain as you get older, I’ve found. I gained a lot of weight after leaving the military, and my injuries suffered while in the military makes it difficult to exercise, but I’ve managed to get close enough to my old healthy weight from being careful what I eat that I could get lower if I ever find myself with the time and motivation so I’m happy enough with it. I’ve recently turned back to music as a creative outlet because I do still struggle a lot and even though I know I’ll probably never become a well-known musician or producer, it’s a healthy hobby to have and I enjoy it. I’m sure if you can find the motivation you can do whatever you put your mind to.
I think anyone saying this is probably trying to put a positive spin on it, but I also agree that we’re either growing as humans or stagnating, and there’s really nothing cool or interesting about stagnating.
I started making better decisions when I hit 31, during the shitty part of the pandemic. I quit drinking (I should preface this by saying I had a drinking problem, this wasn’t just a willy-nilly decision), started working out, learned how to code, started eating better, and vastly improved my life. I was thrown a shitload of curveballs, ended up having 3 operations that still cause me vast amounts of pain, got diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and ADHD, and am learning to deal with life as things are, sober, and how to get along better with other humans (that last part is really hard).
Obviously this isn’t some cool ‘success story’ (sorry, lol), but I think growth happens in stages and if you’re trying your best, you’re heading toward better places. I think it’s also important to remember that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, but as you said, they can be overcome and we don’t have to accept them as absolute roadblocks. Sometimes it just takes a while, but it’s a journey and not so much a destination.
well done in your sobriety man , i too have been sober one year and a half but my problem
was binge drinking ( really badly twice a month ) but now its weight gain sitting indoors too much and shit food i havent been working for a while now mate , i get benefits for depression atm , and i need a way back im a decent singer but im 44 now i can strum the guitar and im ok at laying out some music on a computer , i can write lyrics and chords songs , my problem is self belief man , i think i have pure ocd as i get these stupid things stuck in my head that are not about me or could never come true but it had messed me up the last 3 years , fear is what holds me back and i’m tired of it i want to believe again , but im 44 by the time it would pay off for me i would be 46 maybe , and it’s self belief to pull myself out of the pit once again , im having trouble getting started , is it really too late for me ?
most people would have you believe the answer is yes , just aim for a basic life , 44 is too old to reinvent yourself
time passes by quickly my friend and we think we have all the time in the world , i look
older but i want one last push
i grew up in a rough time. my mom was an engineer my dad sold guns. started selling this and that at a young age. didnt graduate hs, had to get my GED. at one point ended up selling/doing heroin as a functional addict working tech. 2008 recession happened and i got laid off. ended up living in mexico for a bit for all the wrong reasons and returned to the US to become an even worse heroin addict. cleaned up my act and ended up getting married to a goodie two shoes who was a sociopath. after surviving that lived in a depression hell hole for a bit then met a model who blew my mind and we married. she was a lush, became an alcoholic. she died. spent years with PTSD, DPDR, and extended grief syndrome. as usual, dealt with my shit, found that little piece of myself to anchor on to and picked my ass back up, cursed gravity for existing, and here i am. been clean off opioids and hard drugs for ages, probably drink too much still but keep it in check. lots of other details i dont feel like discussing. in every situation that came my way and broke me, once i survived it and moved to a new stage in life, i never had regrets for my path, despite recurrences. no matter how bad your shit gets, hold on to a piece of yourself to run back to and always continue to try to improve on a daily basis. the day you wake up and say everything is perfect and you are where you need to be is the day you lost your mind.
i’m 43 by the way.
edit: read some of your replies, lemme give you a few tips. if you wanna lose the weight stick to produce and the butcher and learn to cook all your food. after a month or two of home cooked meals things like soda and fast food are too intense and you prefer your own shit. the weight will go down naturally. keep your game up with the ladies even if you’re overweight because that will provide the motivation for you to keep moving forward and women are far less shallow than men, and legitimately enjoy a dude doing what he can, talking respectfully, and confident.
as for depression i cant help you. the best i can do is give you a few tips. start “taking inventory” of your mental state often, i’m talking daily basis. the idea here is you need to reconnect to the idea that when you’re good but you dont got anything going on you’re not “happy” you’re just content and handling your shit. with depression once you get too deep you start fantasizing about this life of non-variance where you’re just content and happy all the time and if you’re not, “omg i’m depressed” - it becomes a cycle thats difficult to break. im a headstrong type of dude but one of the best moves i ever made was going to a therapist. consider it if you already havent. dont self diagnose yourself because its disrespectful to those who spent years studying/getting licensed to help you.
i dont know where you’re at with the ladies but if you’ve taken a look at the 50+ of this era you got plenty of time to get your shit on track. once you figured out how to take inventory and assess your mental state during times of non-stimulation/non-events then the next task is to figure out what needs work and approach it step by step. get the idea that “getting beyond” your situation is the end goal and focus more on handling your situation and constantly improving little by little. there is a part of your brain that functions almost like a muscle that motivates you to do things you think you cant do. when you dont use this part of your brain (escaping with drugs, deep in the pit of depression etc) it weakens and you lose the ability to magically wake up one day and everything is good. think about it from that angle. you are weak right now, the things that you need to function have atrophied. the main focus at base level is to start working out those muscles and doing the difficult things and reestablishing the anchor to yourself. once you get to that point the rest is just a lifelong process of improvement and you roll with the blows. best of luck to ya. ive been told i should be a therapist or drug counselor but i have no patience for those who arent ready to make some moves. ask yourself deep down are you ready to not be in your situation? when that answer is yes, check out some of the advice i gave and start your journey. the rest of us are over here on the brown patch of grass you think is greener, enjoying ourselves to the best of our ability
so thank you mate i appreciate everything you have said here , your right, i have always pulled myself out of a hole and never asked for help , i know i have ocd i am
intelligent enough to see the similarities for years i just thought it was a brain glitch sometimes i get lost then i get strong again and snap out of it , the shit thing is sometimes it takes a while to get out , the worst thing for me is getting therapy knowing my problem has a name and looking online because it makes me feel like this is the way i am and thats it “brain glitch was a whole lot easier term to deal with , i went therapy mate and in all honesty someone who has been through something can help you a whole lot better than someone who has studied something because the person who has studied may be leaning towards outdated theory’s and methods the sessions i had by two different people ( they were nice ) but i wasn’t looking for a sympathetic ear like some people were i wanted answers ways out of the maze and i already know them all ( i figured them myself over the years before i even knew it had a name , so everything they threw at me i was like “ anything else “ and i drew a conclusion with them quite quickly , people go to therapists because they don’t know the stuff i learned myself and treated myself , it’s like a self help book you can’t follow it because everyone’s path is different , i am a little strange mate because i have pulled myself out and lost weight quite a few times, i know what i have to do it’s just getting started , if i am honest posting online i’m not looking for answers or people to tell me what to do , i just want inspiration i’m close to getting started , my mind is tired of all the waste i’m ready to fight
ps : it really is as simple as facing the fear , talking to yourself in a better way , but one thing is when some people look at others why don’t you help yourself , unless you have been there your mind can get lost your subconcious can play tricks on you when you have let it get so deep , yes your correct holding on to who you are or can be can bring you back
thanks for your comment mate i really appreciate it
and as bleak as it seems facing one’s fear and helping ourselves is the only way sure a sympathetic ear can help or reading others inspiration
i needed to hear some stuff (or rather read and you guys provided it
actually i’m going to lock this now as i will use it for reassurance and im gonna get off the internet completly for a while thank you to everyone that has commented i really needed it thanks so much
