So I took some of the advice (and will continue to take the rest when I get there) on the last time I posted this. Repeated the theme. Added a bridge. Still working on the slicing and chopping till the xrns is full beyond comprehension. I think the bridge is definitely my favorite part and makes the song.
http://soundcloud.com/turnipseed/atravace
again any further advice would be appreciated. I’m kindof a nub at song writing.