tell me what you think of this please
It does seem to match the general hardcore style, without much musical sophistication.
I would try to get more progress in it - take it somewhere.
There is, to my ear, a mismatch between the almost hallowe’en sound of the arpeggio in the first segment which doesn’t really match the drum shuffle on top, stylistically.
I could dance to it after three energy drinks, but I’d probably forget I’d ever heard it after two more.
On the up side, you certainly have the hardcore elements present, it’s just a matter of rearrangement for greater musicality.