I wish I had the answer to your issue, because it is very similar to my girlfriend’s.
She has a kidney problem; she grew up with it, eventually lost a kidney when she was a teenager. The problem here is that she molded her personality in a way not to show her health problem to others. She didn’t want to be the “sick kid.”
She spent her whole teenage and adult life wearing that social mask, something that wasn’t her. Keeping up a lie is more difficult then telling the truth, and eventually it will make you tired, and one day you won’t be able to hold it anymore.
In order to try to forget her own issues, she developed compulsive type behaviors: she would spend hours cleaning her apartment, organizing things by order, color, etc; she would work from 8am to 10pm during the week and weekends, etc.
Last summer she had a kidney operation and 2 days afterwards she got in a car accident. She almost got killed.
After a life or death incident, most people start approaching life in a different way. First comes euphoria, later depression. Some people come out of it, some don’t.
After the euphoria phase, depression hit hard. She started questioning the way and the lie she was/is living in. She unburied a lot of stuff that was sitting on her shadow (her unconscious). She is still working on it. It’s been a year now.
What she is trying to accept is that she is sick but she is also healthy. It’s difficult to change 20 or so years of negative mind conditioning. But I believe it’s possible.
I’d recommend you a couple of readings:
For an understanding of the shadow (the part of the self that you don’t let anyone see) read:
-Owning Your Own Shadow : Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche – by Robert A. Johnson
For getting rid of limiting thoughts or thoughts that just don’t help or serve you, read:
-Mind-lines: Lines For Changing Minds – by L. Michael Hall
After reading these two books, things that you were doing unconsciously, will probably become conscious. This will give you a base start to where you are and you’ll probably realize the need to dig deeper. And of course for that, I’d seek the professional help of a psychologist.