Hopeless and Pointless

About five years ago, in late 2015, I knew nothing about music. I didn’t know what a note was. From then to now, with no support and self taught from books, I have worked myself to the ground to try to enjoy[?] making music.

But for all my efforts it’s been pointless; none of my music goes anywhere. It is unseen by anyone and unused by anybody. I say this with the most modest aims: I just want some of it to DO something. Anything. Other than vanish into the ether of nothingness.

I make music that nobody wants. I cannot sing. From the one composing competition that I entered awhile ago academics don’t get what I am trying to do. &*^ them. I have tried to learn how to make electronic music in FL Studio. But all my sincere attempts, including some paid sites like ADSR, got nowhere and I am no closer to understanding clipping than I am to being an astronaut.

I am good at one thing only: making music scores. I used to make them in Finale in Windows Seven. Now in Ubuntu Studio Linux I use Muse score. I have taught myself a lot of proper musical theory. I have my own ideas: the ideas that &*& academics hate. Over five years I have finished every score that I started. Today I made part of a score with a piano and xylophone using A Minor. I won’t explain my theory ideas beyond that. It would bore people. But every note that I make is like a voice shouting “this is pointless”.

Now I have got to the stage where I can compose easily and pretty quickly. Far quicker and better than I could ever compose in the piano roll of a DAW. I have been posting my scores on the Musescore site. My handle there is Pianogates. I release everything there under Creative Commons Attribution; you can do anything with them as long as you acknowledge e.g Pianogates. But I don’t expect anyone to do anything with them. They will be more dust wisps lost in the air. It would be great if someone did even if it was putting them in a DAW.

The Free Music Archive was a cynical outfit that didn’t want my free music. Then they sold their site to a Spam company.
Pro Collabs didn’t want to collab even though I worked myself stupid to try to.
Bandcamp, Soundcloud etc I just hate.

A lot of the time when I made electronic music I burnt myself out and my music lost creativity.

Meanwhile my finite life span ticks away. The only thing that stops me from giving up music is that I don’t have any other creative outlet. That and my numerous other failures to find an outlet. I don’t sing. I don’t play any instrument. As for painting or drawing, I don’t think that any normal method could ride that learning curve. My other interest is Linux and I don’t know what creativity is in that. If I did stop making scores I might grab some books on computer programming.

In all this nobody has ever played any of my piano scores. That raises the vicious circle that if I knew that someone was going to play them I would make them more playable. There is no point seeking a music teacher. I have tried that; if you are over 18 they don’t want to know you. They only care about the kids;’ market. So if I gave up now nobody would have ever played a single score that I worked my guts out to make.

Hopeless. Pointless.

What have you done in terms of promoting your works? If you want your music heard to make it your business, you need to consider how you want people to encounter your stuff. Collaborations and networking is quite important too. I’ve had good success with the Create With Connor discord in that respect:

I ask those things because it sounds like you want an audience that listens to your music, yet you’re using channels associated with other creators (sharing scores under creative commons and such).

A lot of people only watch music videos nowadays. They ‘say’ they listen to music, but they really need both. If you can add a video to your music, that’d be one way of a myriad of other ways to help promote yourself. With the ease of use of most software these days, you’ll need to resort to becoming a DIY sort of person. That means graphics, video, marketing, promotion, website design, graphic design, licensing, accounting, and everything else. Your music, your art, forget about it. You’re a production company now. A one-stop shop.

If you’re making music that people don’t like, resign yourself to the fact that they’re not going to like it today, or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow. Ignore them. Most people really just want simple, memorable melodies with an acoustic guitar and boom-boom music.

Speaking of computer programming…

Not a programmer. But! If you’re going to learn how to program in any language, would it be possible that you learn programming and then reinstate your style of music via coding? You might have an audience amongst those who enjoy that approach, and you may benefit in two ways.

Programming = work/money
Programming = a more academic style of music

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I am 41 and started making music like you on my own the last 2 years or less.I think you are pushing yourself to much to make it.Well i can tell you if you dont first enjoy making music for your soul because there is the need inside you and then worrie about recognition better try something else.
Point us to your music please so i can have an idea on what you do and maybe give some advice.Dont be down keep doing what you do go to music forums like kvr ask for collaborations even here why not.Try different music/genre compositions who is stopping you? Music is a constant journey.

OP mentions musescore site and pianogates. A quick search turns up:
Don’t know if that’s the OP. If it is, then 20th century ‘modern’ style(?) If it isn’t then someone got a little bit more (pointless?) ‘advertising’.

Yes. I have only started posting on the Musescore site recently. On there I am indeed Pianogates and anything I do there is a CC Attribution license; you can do anything with it as long as you acknowledge e.g just mention Pianogates in credits. I started off scoring about five years ago. Then I made electronic music for awhile that I had on a YouTube channel that I abandoned. I used to use Finale as well until I left Windows for Linux last year, so still learning how to use Musescore. But I am trying my best! Thanks again. A lot of my ideas are pretty weird/dissonant [?] . I don’t know how much more composing I will do.

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I listened to 2 of your compositions Waiting for Trains and My Pelogian Sea.I dont find them weird but if you are serious and want to develop your skills you must sit in front of a piano and learn how to play songs.In the past i used https://chordify.net/chords/nirvana-something-in-the-way-nirvanagrunge87 to view the chords of tracks and day by day started playing some basic stuff but that opened my mind to understand how songs are made.You need to learn structure and first of all you must learn how i pianist thinks.