It’s a sweet little melody. Lovely melancholic sound. And I like it when it plays on it’s own at the start… if you’re open to constructive feedback, read on. If not, ignore the rest.
This may come across as a little harsh but it is in no way meant offensively. I like your tune. But to me it sounds like a demo, a sketch. Not a full fledged track. And I think that is a pity because it has potential.
If you want, here is some more in depth feedback:
When the drums come in it is just more of the same. Nothing new is being said. The drums add some sonic interest but don’t tell anything new. And if I’m brutally honest, the drums aren’t that interesting. Maybe add in another layer or two. Create a harmony that places the melody in a new context. Make things sound fresh and interesting. But at 0:56 it is just boring me hearing it again. Maybe make the melody and the percussion fit around each other nice and tight. Let the percussion punctuate the melody. Or chop the melody up and let it punctuate the drums.
Anyway, that is just my 2 cents. Take from it what you will.
eretsua: Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. I was wondering if the first half was a bit too repetitive. I might experiment with that first layer of drums a bit more, or introduce the higher lead synth a bit earlier.
stoiximan: Thanks! I think there were a few parts where I cleaned up the timing by hand (I’m not the best keyboard player), but I definitely prefer a more loose feel for some things.
Made some improvements to that middle section in Fireplace (Added a counterpoint to that main synth melody and a bit more variation in the drums). Decided to try a screen-capture from Renoise:
I think you’ve improved it a lot already! It is much more interesting to listen to!!
If you permit me, here is some more feedback on the new version. If you don’t want it, just ignore the rest:
Because the rest of the tune improved so much a new short coming has come to light. To my ears anyway. Your lovely main melody repeats too much. I feel it could use some more variation. You can try altering the rhythm. Or change the pitch of some of the notes. To make it say something new. Doesn’t have to change a whole lot. Just a little bit to offer the listener something unexpected. Keeping it fresh & interesting.
There is a variation in the break section from 2:00 to 2:25. But I feel it meanders a bit. As the rest of the tune got more interesting that now stands out to me as a weak part.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on your new version. Hope it is of some use to you. If not, no hard feelings.