Written while dying on heroin/fentanyl mix. I’m trying to kick. Most likely I’ll be dead soon
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Man are you doing drugs?I hope you find a way out of this nightmare
Nice panning, the comb-filter-sound on the hats works really well,
dig the way the lead sound transitions between a crystal-ly sound
and the more mellow one; could be longer… Thanks for sharing!
Thanks. I took 3 days off. Cheated today. Plan on getting back on rack. I realized the last 50 or so songs I made I were done on that dangerous combo. Today I shot a w hole half gram. Idk what happened but I woke up on the floor and made a mess. I don’t have kids anyway. My family makes me want to OD, but I’m gonna try and stop. Summer is coming and I don’t want people asking about my track marks,
I commend your honesty and it takes some effort to admit a problem, even anonymously over the internet. However, there is little anybody here can do to help and I would implore you to please seek professional help, or at least speak to somebody who can get you to help. Fentanyl is no joke and it is staggeringly easy to OD. Stay safe.
As we say here in Greece ,you can’t choose your family but you can. choose your friends If you feel they push you too much find a way and move away from them,get away from anyone and anything that makes you unhappy. Drug abuse is heavily related to those souranding us ,so get away even move to another city of you can,life is to precious and short to spend it suffering.I spend my teenage years up to my 30s drinking every day and i can tell you if you really want a way out you can do it but also seek pro help mostly psychological because that is where the reall problem is.
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It’s not that easy. For those who haven’t found the meaning of life there is no help in terms of a psychologist or else. What can a psychologist do except talking about things you already know? Nothing. I think you have to deal with it by yourself. And that’s the point when creativity, for example creating music, or activity like sports, joins the game. It’s not THE solution, but it helps to get by. I would recommend to do sports first, a healthy body is part of a healthy mind, it helps not only to recover physically, it also helps to “reset” your mind, and that’s a fact. Afterwards I would do something for the soul, just like music. The combination of both will help for sure. Sure, you can also consume some shit, but you need to know your limits. As long as you know your limits and don’t overdo consumption, everything is fine. Every single human being has an addiction for something, you just need to keep control. You should be the master and not the slave. 
Sounds like a LSD trip, especially the high synth starting at 0:39, I like it. 
But please do yourself a favor and do more music and less drugs. If you wake up on the floor and don’t know what’s up it’s time for a change. It’s never too late.
I like that, it ties in with some conclusions I came to by myself - i.e. to stop fighting my instincts and just go with wherever my Bipolar mind wants to go. I beat myself up some days for not making music, but if I’m not motivated or inspired, then why push it? Thanks for the read.
That was a good read. I would say that the only drugs I would ever approve of are the novel psychedelics. It’s funny how the most destructive drugs are the most illegal where I live (united states). Alcohol and tobacco aren’t even scheduled. Deadly fentanyl and schedule 2 while the safest drugs (marijuana on the federal level and the psychedelics are schedule 1. I agree when it comes to dope. It’s like bandaid…more like a shield. Are you feeling sad, anxious, depressed, jealous, envious, angry at the world? Dope feels like a cure-all for that. It just makes the world go away, but only if you keep using it. Everyone has to stop at some point. They either run out of money, die, or finally decide to quit. Eventually the high goes away and you are using just to put of withdrawals. I would say that I did bring some stuff back with me from these experiences though. The most positive was from psychedelics. I’ve done LSD about 50 times. That time I took 1mg was quite profound. My ego was just completely destroyed (lost my sense of self) and I realized I could rebuild myself and be new person. I could become batman if I wanted to. I think that did give me a new lease on life. I just know that no amount of drugs are going to truly fix my problems. I need to change how I think. I just need to learn to cope again. Sure LSD helps a little if your stuck in a rut. Some people quit their bad habits because of a profound LSD experience. Some people need that to get unstuck but after the drugs wear off it times to learn to do these things without the drugs, I guess. I’ve been accused of overthinking things. Now I’m just rambling.
But it helps to talk with an “expert” about yourself, taking yourself important, at least an hour or so. Sure, if you reached some age, you won’t hear any new information, but you might realize things emotionally. Talking openminded about it helps a lot actually. And a professional also can take the darkest and heavy thoughts. But you need to find someone really good, and that actually is very difficult. A lot of people have been traumatized, so they need to resolve this experience first, before they are able to deal with themselves.
I don’t think so. What makes an “expert” an “expert”? Studying psychology? Come on! A graduaded psychologist still knows shit about the meaning of life, that’s the bottom line. And a graduaded psychologist also haven’t had the same experiences than his “patient”. All he can do is talk, no more and no less. But talking doesn’t solve anything, especially if it’s a guy not knowing being in other shoes. The life still would be meaningless and any experiences, no matter what kind, can’t be forgotten. Not to mention that everybody knows himself best. There’s no single person on this planet who knows me better than myself or who knows you better than yourself. Talking COULD help a LITTLE for a short moment, but that’s it. In terms of your whole life you have to find the solution by yourself. If you know the basics it shouldn’t be a problem.
It depends. Dope also doesn’t solve anything and the effect differs from person to person. For example on one hand I know people who are unpowered, unable to act or to get along in life, and on the other hand I know people who have wife and kids and who are running companies as a self-employed person. Same when it comes to other drugs. If you’re a strong character you can do everything as long as you know your limits, but if you’re a sheep which can be easily affected you better keep your hands off it.
Yes, psychology. The expert knows how the usual mechanisms of trauma, repression etc. work. Some if not most of us get a pretty big package on their back while childhood. If you are a small child, your brain is not fully developed, so you are very open for bad programming. For example, a borderline personality disorder is not able to (healthfully) repress things, because in the age when the brain develops this, it often had very poor if not toxic relationships with its parents. So it only can use the mechanism “splitting/schism”, which a small kid is only capable of. Hence the later extreme black/white switching all the time. It actually is pretty logical when and why specific disorders arise.
This is absolutely not the case. And if so, it does not help much. Behaviours, attitudes which were programmed into you in the age of 0-6 are extremely hard to change. Very often people even can’t see that their behaviour differs from a healthful (for yourself) behaviour anymore (then it really is called a personality disorder), so they clash with the reality. You are actually dependent on a trustful, wise self reflection in the outside. But what, if all the outside reflecting people in the past weren’t telling the truth to you, or are damaged in communication? Exactly here a expert can help you. The best is if the expert does some kind of “verhaltenstherapie” / bahvioural therapy, because then the focus is on the practical action, not the abstract analysis. He/she will help you to develop a program how you can “re-program” yourself, so your life quality gets better and better, in small steps.
Even if you know all your traumas and history, it still does not mean that you can change anything, since 95% is subconsciousness without direct control. So you can say, with a therapist, you learn or better say train how to influence your subconsciousness. Surely there are other ways to learn this, too. The therapist should be your trainer who really well knows your history.
That said I would agree with you, if we were talking about “tiefenfundierte Therapie” where you will never plan to change your behaviour. In the end you can’t change a single outside person, you can only change yourself.
What do you think why people fall in drug addiction? They usually have such a big package to carry from their early childhood, that even normal life is a struggle. The struggle of fear, emotional pain, selfdestructive behaviour.
Really, in the end, you do the same to you as adult, like your parents did to you in your childhood. This is the usual way.
Maybe you simply had luck. But a lot others not.
In Germany, the current system of therapy simply sucks. Therapists have way too many clients. Imagine you are the personal trainer of 30-40 different persons all the time. How that should work? The result is often a very superficial view, therapists very often are forgetting a ton of important details about their clients. 5 clients would be enough already. That’s why a lot of people here have a very negative experience with therapy. It is even worse, if you go stationary to an hospital here regarding the psychologic support. The hospital though still can help though, since you are together with other people who want to solve problems, too.
(sorry for the poor English 
)
Ok, I got what you want to say, but if the person concerned isn’t willing to work for a change, even the best therapist on earth can do noithing. So in the end it’s up to the “patient” if there’s success or not. He’s the only one being responsible for himself. Where is will. there is way.
I’m pretty sure there are way more reasons for that than just the usual Sigmund Freud psychoanalysis statement “caused in the early childhood”.
I know. I worked as a therapist for almost 10 years. Guess why I quit 8 years ago…
But in Germany the whole health system sucks, as well as many other systems. There will be a crash for sure.
All right, I’m out at this point. In this board I prefer talking about music.
WIsh you the best @FossilCreature and remember, it’s up to you.
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