I finally broke down and changed that section that people cringed at. I think this is going to be one of my songs on the demo I send out. I’ve been putting off sending out my demo for so long–I’ve been waiting for the right set of songs, and I think this tops it. Yeay!
I’ve always loved this one… This version is smooth, yep great demo material. Good luck with it.
Maybe some dub-delay on the backing harmonies? Just a touch here and there. btw, what are you using to master this?
i liked this one before too… but it sounds REALLY REALLY good now!!! ace ace ace ace!
I’m using cubase for the mastering.
Thanks for the great reviews! 
Correction–that song was one of the ones I used ProTools LE to master…
be honest people this song is not good for obvious reasons, and it’s not about musical taste, doesn’t help when you say that it is good while it is not, just keeps up frustration & misunderstandings for later.
my ears collapsed at :48…
a lil more work to go bud
Can you explain why you don’y like it instead of saying it is generally ‘not good’? If it truly is ‘not good’ then Io and myself must be in denial?
I assume the chords that occour then (and the same ones again later in the track) didnt agree with his ears…
I felt there could be something slightly different here purely on the tune level also. I might sequence what I mean a little later on. Its a good song though I wouldnt read into this too much.
part of the songs sounds false (is it the word ?) that’s why i didn’t went into details, it seemed pretty obvious to me, but if you believe it to be fine well that’s it then, nothing to add.
lot of people says it’s nice just to be nice (basically), that’s at least how i interpret it.
Dear Sun, if you don’t know how to word a criticism, don’t criticize, unless you’re just trying to criticize for the sake of criticizing, and then I guess you’re doing a good job. Saying a song sounds “false” doesn’t make any sense, and then to top it off, you say that people are saying it’s nice just to be nice. It seems you have the opposite problem. It doesn’t give me any information that can help me in future songs. Your comments are unintelligent (whether on purpose or not) and cruel. I think I’ll fight back by saying I’d like to hear you do a song that doesn’t sound cliche.
Erm. Just read his first post, and that one is pretty bad. Cruel and insensitive even.
sun, even if you didn’t like it, you don’t have to get the freak out and start throwing bad vibes. Honesty doesn’t equate to being a jerk, unless you are one that is.
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sun has a point. I’m not saying either/or on it being off key in places, cause I haven’t heard it, but if you have to be extremely good at voicing an opinion to have one, then I think we’re a bit over to one side.
I don’t think he wrote it like that to be insensitive or cruel, but to be plain and honest, which is something that we all need to hear if we’re supposed to get anywhere.
The thing is, even if it were very false to every ear and not just his, it doesn’t matter. You can have it any way you like, but if he says that it is false, then that’s a valid opinion, if only for his ears.
You could ask someone else that has already heard it if they agree. Maybe they do, but like it for effect.
It’s easy in this style of music (if it’s anything like the other ones I’ve heard from you) to think it’s out of tune, simply because you’re not used to the harmonies.
(Weighing your words is one thing, but people are prone to make mistakes and say stupid things. Sometimes you have to call them out, but not every time. Life’s too short to go correcting everyone. At least mine is.)
sounds “false” like in innacurate, out of tune, having something in C tone and singing in C# tone, false like that.
what more can i say seriously, if that isn’t precise enough i don’t know what is.
if someone has to be “cruel” or “insensitive” (whatever that means) it better be now than at the final moment, my guess is you spent too much time listening to that song and can’t point out what’s wrong with it.
it is so obviously “false” tuned that for people to say they love it they must be either very P.C or just deaf (therefore the reason for my previous comment).
anyway have fun & be happy (it’s all that matters in the end)
There’s nothing wrong with the harmonies… just some jazz influences I guess. This song makes me think of Zappa. It’s a good song, but doesn’t keep my interest all the way. I think I would like some more complexity and surprises in the music to fit the complex vocal melody. Also, maybe a bigger sound would suit the vocals better, like adding female backup singers and a brass section?
“Insensitive” as in writing that your ears collapsed, that people are either very pc or just deaf if they like it. Not the best way of wording things, and won’t help anyone to see the light or whatever you’re trying to achieve with it.
What’s the deal exactly? If you deem it false, then it’s the de facto for everyone? Even if it were false (or atonal), there’s nothing wrong with it, if it was intentional. Music isn’t bad because it is dissonant. Dissonance is an effect.
Play C, C#, F and G# on your keyboard. That’s cluster harmony. On some tunes, C and C# go perfectly well together. So I’ll assume this is either not one of those tunes, or if it is, you actually meant to say false as in off by cents, rather than off by a whole note.
I understand your opinion, and you’re entitled to it and maybe it’s true that most casual listeners would think the same thing, but it’s not necessary to throw in degrading comments, and doesn’t help if you want your point of view understood.
I’m listening to it now, and it’s not noticeably out of tune, though there might be parts the vocals in relation to some of the bright synth parts that are slightly (and I mean slightly, I’m not being ‘nice’ here) off. Some of the backup vox might be a bit off too.
All in all I like it very much. Then again, I like this type of music. 
Only criticism I have to give is that even though you have a great voice, there are moments when the vocals sound a bit too up front, and there is also a weird thing that happens sometimes, like the sound that comes when you artificially raise or push forward your larynx and sing low notes (I’m not sure how to explain it any better). Others might like these effects though, so be careful about trying to remedy them.
well the reviews got me interested in listening to this Some strange harmonies indeed, very 80’s feel with the ongoing bass line in the back, zappa springs to mind aswell (tho I’m not a fan of this music style). I like how you mixed the main vocal in this, drums could be louder tho, maybe?
I hate pigeonholing , but how would you call this genre of music?
good luck with the demo.
RE: larynx comment - I used to do a bit of singing myself…this is usually from not “reaching deep enough” for the notes; pushing the air with your throat to some extent rather than pushing them exclusively right from the diaphragm and using the throat just as a shaping device…its hard to perfect and takes alot of warming up of the vocal chords.
and Sun, does this give me permission to say what I really think about pop-trance?
of course it does. rip him up
although i quite enjoy pop-trance myself, i’m never going to call it original 
Thank you all for clarifying things. I just did not understand what he was saying before.
The funny thing is, if Sun would have heard the previous version, he would have probably had a heart attack when 0:48 came up if his ears collapsed at this version. I got rid of a LOT of dissonance in this version. I originally wanted it to be REALLY dissonant before at that part, but it just was too much for a “poppish” sounding song, it was too Zappa.
Sun, if you want to hear something odd, try http://www.infraxes.com/weird.mp3 you want strange dissonence–try that on for size and then tell me how dissonant Walk Of Fate is. You’re used to very “safe” music, which is fine, but make sure you know that not everyone only listens to “safe” music. Try some Bill Bruford from his Master Strokes album, or some Allen Holdsworth, or some Wendy Carlos. Seriously–diversify your musical knowledge.
Vocally, it’s been over 10 years since I had voice lessons, and it would definitely benefit me to have some again. I think I have a pretty good voice, but one can always make improvements, especially when melody lines move as much as the ones that I write.
Thank you all for your honesty.
well you could, if you say something like “i hate pop music, it’s crap” it’s not likely i’ll view this as an interesting opinion on the matter, the difference btw your way of replying and mine is i don’t judge the style of the music but the way it is made.
there is a difference btw saying i hate jazz and it sounds false, hope you do see it.