Girlfriends/wives And Jealousy/cheating Thread

OK, guys. We’ve had the discussion on girlfriends/wives in terms of how-to-get-time-away-from-her-to-pursue-my-hobbies thing. Now over to another matter: the issue of where to draw certain lines.

Let me start by saying that I had an ex-girlfriend who cheated on me, and I was quite upset about it. The thing was that she had this lady friend since many years and hung out with her alot. That girl was single and dragged her into parties and stuff. Later I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me, and it hit me like a bomb from Hell. Basically what my girlfriend was doing was to have regular threesomes together with her lady friend and some alpha male they had met at some party.

Today, when I have finally dealt with that experience and left it behind me, I can’t help but wonder if I had taken it that hard if it had “just” been the case that my ex-girlfriend had been alone with some nice guy in a one-night-stand. But the knowledge of her and her friend going to lots of efforts in beauty salons etc to please this guy (it was not a “bisexual” thing between my ex and her friend – the fucking guy was their center and they basically did everything he wished) was just too much to bear for me.

So how would you guys deal with a cheating girlfriend/wife? Would you leave her on the spot or try to forgive her and go on?

Where do you draw the line in regard to other guys? Is it OK that your girlfriend takes a coffee alone with some guy she just met at some university course? Or would you classify that as “dating”? That she sleeps over at her lady friend’s house if you know her charming boyfriend is also there and he’s a swinger?

The standard answer here is of course “trust”. But there’s got to be a limit even to that, right? Where does regular stupidity and naivity kicks in on that continuum?

Shoot if you will. It would be interesting to know your perspectives. Just be sure to differ between what is regular compromise and what is your actual preferences here.

Ohh man… girlfriend doing threesomes with some other couple and pleases other guy in “every way he wishes” is quite nasty if you ask me.

Im quite liberal-minded person and i dont mind my girlfriend speaking/talking/drinking cofee with some other guys or going to nightclubs with her girlfriends without me etc, but if she slpees (especially regularly) with other guy (or some threesome) and “pleases him in every way he wishes” then its all over right there. No forgiving on that one.

I guess good thing is that at least there were 2 girls and one man not 2 men with your girlfriend :) that would be even more nasty :)

How did you find about it? if thats not secret

Sorry to hear you had to experience this, sounds like a weird situation this one, but the outcome is always the same, betrayal and heartache. To me it wouldn’t matter if it was one man, two men and women or whatever, dumped !. The level of hurt just varies to the extent of the betrayal. In my experience there 2 sorts of people who cheat; The naïve ones who think that someone can offer them more than their current partner, go ahead, realise the grass isn’t greener and screw themselves up. And serial cheaters who don’t care

The first time I get my wife cheating on me its her ass on the street and filing divorcepapers the next day. And theres no need for crying or discussing, its over.

ps. BTW threesome aint that bad, speaking from an experience of only one time :dribble:

Well well, if you have to know… After the suspicion phase (due to subtle changes in her overall behaviour), I got one of my friends to put a tail on her for a couple of days. We both assumed that we should look after her meeting up with a guy, so whenever she went home to her lady friend’s apartment, the tail was put aside. There was no guy to be found. The actual revelation came weeks later. I knew that my girlfriend would spend the weekend at her lady friend’s parents’ summer house, many miles from the apartment. She had said it would just be them alone, talking girl stuff and relaxing.

My first idea was that we would try various audio equiment to record their conversations through the walls. From such recorded conversations, I figured, maybe my girlfriend would reveal something to her lady friend if she hadn’t already. Maybe they’d talk about it. I had to work that weekend so my friend was kind enough to actually drive down there, walking through the woods and everything (he got well paid of course). But he discovered that there were two cars there and so he switched to the long distance cameras. He managed to get some revealing photos (and videos) of the three of them together.

Most of the proof material was shot at that occasion. When I finally confronted her with the “are you cheating on me” question, she responded by being very angry at me, slamming doors and shouting that I didn’t respect her and trusted her, bla bla bla. But when I finally showed her some visual evidence for my suspicion, she chose to tell me everything. Then we split up, she apparently chose to suck the devil’s dick for some more months but it didn’t work out for all of them. I heard she broke with her best lady friend later too, it started to get complicated for them when they both wanted to have a love relationship with the guy. Jealously issues probably…

I actually smashed the guy’s car and yes, that was childish, but it felt good nevertheless. ;)
(And to be honest I would probably be floored if I tried to punch his face…)

hehe, hi teck equipment and sruff, do you work for FBI? :)

I was with a girl once who (this was years ago) was cheating on her
boyfriend. She never told me, obviously, and all of a sudden some
speedfreak was waving a sharp piece of metal in front of my eyes.
Too bad for him we weren’t alone and three of my mates beat the
crap out of him before I even realised what the hell was going on.

I was pretty shocked of what happened, still confused because of the
threatening and it took some time for me to realize who the guy WAS
anyway. And I felt really sorry for the dude: find out his girl was
cheating on him and have his ass kicked till tuesday on the same
fukking night. For what it was worth: I told the bitch to go fukk herself.

The stereotype of men cheating is long gone. Just don’t go around
pointing pointy weapons at people when the drawbacks of emancipation
rear their ugly heads.

But in a way, I can TOTALLY relate to his reaction. Placing myself in his situation,
I would’ve probably done the same, minus the knife. I’d take the beating like a man, too.
Heartache hurts more than most bruises.

It’s a bit OT, but… No, I don’t and didn’t (back then). But my friend was actully partly working for the police tech department in those days (I think he did some research or something, can’t remember exactly). Anyway, he collected lots of hardware and video/photo was his major hobby in life. That’s why I hired him in the first place, I thought he would reveal her in minutes… but it took weeks. One advice: if you’re going to spy on your girlfriend, make sure the spy isn’t somebody she knows from before. And use proper gear, you often have to take the photo/movie evidence from long distance.

Now back to topic. Let’s hear more about your limits and boundaries…

In “my” particular case the guy happened to be a fucking criminal bad-ass guy who would definitely call his buddies to shut me down for good if I’d show him the floor from close distance. Just not worth it, you know. One may wonder what that hell women see in these mentally retarded criminals anyway.

The best way to calm your inner fire in these cases is revenge. Simply do the same. Have a nice and long threesome, and let her know, it’s not that hard! :D

edit: /* ignore this post from me please :D */

You are applauded for that mentality: it’s not worth the trouble, if it’s a gorilla or a mouse you’re
about to (try to) knock out. I guess you can’t judge such situations unless it happens to you, but my
gut tells me such things. And gut is not the best advisor in emotionally loaded situations that include violence.

Hmmm… How are the laws in Iran, btw? I’ve heard that women get stoned (not by drugs, but literally) or something if they are unfaithful to their husbands. True or false? The practice of polygamy (multiple wives) should at least be more accepted in Mideastern countries overall, so maybe it isn’t hard for some husbands to have threesomes every day.

I know some friends who had/have polyamorous relationships and it works for them. I guess it isn’t cheating if everyone agrees and supports one an other?

I, on the other hand, can not have a polyamorous lifestyle in good faith.

I say embrace jealousy, it’s an emotion. Just like love.

A relationship isn’t a feeling.

sex is overhyped thing anyway. Sure its good and all that but still its way overhyped. Its nice if you have a person you can talk to, share good and bad emotions, travel with, have fun etc. You dont have to have sex all the time :) its good but its not THAT good :)

I bombed out of a 5-nearly-6 year relationship over this. She cheated on me while studying abroad, and i wanted to forgive her and still be with her, but it didn’t work out the following half year or so and i just had to end it. I’m still messed up about it 2 years later.

It’s really painful stuff. I wanted to think “okay, things that last this long have to be worth fighting for, bring on the pain, i’ll fight through it”, but right now in retrospect it was just a waste of time that maybe made it even more painful.

There’s no real constant. I know some relationships that have gone to shit and recovered miraculously, or surefire ones that became some of the most hideous emotional violence you can imagine.

Personally though i’m now of the opinion that brooding isn’t worth it, and neither is fighting to get into relationships either. Things should happen naturally. Don’t be a dick. Be socially minded. Make friends. If something’s supposed to happen it will. If it’s not it won’t.

I guess the idea to join them didn’t crossed your mind probably or to get her girlfriend in your party instead.
At least you can enjoy two women as well, be it that you’re not the only one.

It is just a rather emotional thing. If you ask yourself the question why you feel so broken, you might also figure out it does not necessarily need to mean the end of the world.

Wishes and desires will always there. The only disappointing thing is your girlfriend didn’t discussed her desires with you. That is what i could call morally wrong yet i would feel upset i would have blocked myself of thinking the positive side of it:having the chance to get the same with my girlfriend that she had with hers.

Lying and cheating both together is a whole lot worse then when you know your partner feels like living having an open relationship, but talking about it first before making haste decisions prevents you from a lot of unnecessary sorrows unless you are confident about what you desire and what you don’t desire.

I’m pretty open minded in this area and my partner knows it since we both share the desires which makes it a bit more comfortable and keeps us both a bit in line. So we agreed on both sharing the experiences instead of going our own way.

I usually go my own way and for my feelings it does not really matter whether my partner likes my lifestyle or not. People have the right to be or become happy the way they feel like and this is only better if you both feel the same about those things than when your other half doesn’t want to go anywhere near that direction you would like to go.

Unfortunately, this is true. It sometimes happens in the regions of country far and partly independant from central government that still have their primitive/superstitious believes. Iran is a country of many colors. The culture varies from very open and free male/female relationships in the populated cities as Tehran to very restrict/religious relationships in far villages. Nothing is in balance.

More unfortunately, even in those regions, the issue you have mentioned only concerns poor women (opposite of rich). If you have enough money, you can buy your crime and happily walk in the streets seeking new boyfriends.

LOL! Having threesome every day in middle-east really made me laugh! :D

Yes, the law permits each man to have up to 4 wives in Iran, although I haven’t seen anyone having more than one. Along with 4 wives, you may have unlimited number of bondwomen whom you have to satisfy sexually. But this is just history, this Islamic law is as old as 1380 years actually. It exists, but I haven’t seen any example in my life. Rarely heard of having 2 wives though.

My current gf cheated on me with her friend and her boyfriend. She even told me that i could try it with her friend but didn’t feel like it. I came to forgive her in time even though I was paranoid when she went out etc. (jealousy) Now she’s been experimenting with women and so far I’ve accepted it but been thinking that it’s not right, so i might tell her to stop. We’ve been together for 2 years now and the future seems good and I’m not worried about she beeing dishonest. I just don’t think that cheating is SO big deal that you should dump your love immediately. Carry on guys, evaluate your relationship and if the cheating goes on then it might be a good thing to break up.

My gf cheated on me as well, but we’re coming back together now. The real kicker is, she says that I wasn’t really into the relationship anymore, and so she didn’t realise how hurt I would be by it. How naive can a person legally be? I mean, Damn…

Anyway, how hurt are you supposed to be when there’s no real commitment involved other than a long-standing relationship? On one hand there’s a serious breach of trust, but on the other hand, it’s not so much that you couldn’t build it up again, provided you both come to an understanding of the full issue…

Frankly, I am surprised at how many sluts there are. Sorry to put it that way, but… I cannot tell you how often girls are trying to flirt with me WHILE HOLDING HANDS WITH THEIR BF?!? Not to mention mothers with children… and when I’m ignoring them they get aggro and pout, because they naturally assume since many guys take everything they can get, a good looking dude just HAS to sleep around. WTF. In the last 6 years I had sex with 1 (one) girl, because really, I don’t need this shit. Currently I’m thinking that when I really can’t take being without sex anymore, I’ll go for 40+ types who don’t make any secret out of being sluts, that’ll be much more honest. In the meantime I am VERY careful with falling in love, and erect walls of brutal honesty around me: should anyone be able to climb them, great… if not: there’s more to life than being lied to. If I want kids and don’t find someone honest do have them with, I’ll just donate to a sperm bank hah.

No, not all women are that way, but way, way, way too many. And hey, I’m not an alpha male, beta at most, and even I cannot stay too long in one location before being overwhelmed by the expectations and frustrations of women. When I was a fat spotty kid life was much simpler :(