Schizophrenia Awareness

(Zer0 Fly) #21

I wish the tinfoil hat trick would work, sounds like a too easy way to make a fool out of oneself… I’d love the creative point of being able to form fancy alien antennas out of the foil. Maybe I’ll try next carneval, together with carton boxes and cling wrap and those spiral exhaust hoses around arms and legs…

@neinMC nice to hear you like the guitar part. It is a renoise native instrument, I designed it one day with electric guitars in mind, and took it out of the storage box for that song. You can inspect it in the song file I’ve linked above.

I could never play guitar this way. I sequenced the notes by hand, following the phantasy. Ever since I can remember, even as a toddler, I had the ability to imagine how music could go on when I heard it (Bach was the only artist that kept surprising me…). This ability gives me the notes into my mind, like I would hear them with an earworm, and I follow that inner imagination by entering in very slow pace. The mental slowing down so I can feel each individual note enables me to track those fast parts, this is important. Normally I listen over the melodies multiple times, again and again replacing any wrong notes or parts that sound odd, until I’m satisfied. Like when I would listen over what I had tracked before, my mind would constantly pop up ideas on how to make it sound better, and I follow this intuition. It is slow and tedious process, but that’s how I work, it frees the phantasy for me.

For this tune I actually used two instances of the instrument, like in that 80s metal when the solo guitarist would record two tracks that would complement each other harmonically. Also I used slightly different EQ settings, which makes it sound a bit more alive like.

Normally I’d then go and sequence the wah like effect and pitch bends (simlating guitar bends and whammy bar drops…), to make it sound even more alive. But this was compo with time pressure and I was very sick, I’m also surprised myself what I have achieved with so much pain inside my head. Could not do it again like this in such a state, the song is nice, but it wasn’t healthy for me to force the work against the trips, it wore me down in bad ways.

(neinMC) #22

I did play the Renoise song in Renoise, but even seeing it I thought “how…” Thank you so much for elaborating :slight_smile:

That’s kinda like I do it, but without the whole imagining the melody bit you have going on. Compared to that I’m kinda “flying blind”. Sometimes I think something might work and try it out, but I mostly make a lot of random changes to see what happens.

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. – Michelangelo

I can’t promise anything soon, because I have a bunch of things on my plate as well, and my own struggles with my creative process, and generally never write lyrics “at will”… but if I come up with something about global warming, I’d happily try to make that song into a beat to rap them over… right? Musicwise it would probably be a reduction and simplification, but that’s kinda what I could contribute. At any rate I’d show you the results and translate the lyrics from German doing anything else with it, and I’ll keep it vanilla Renoise (which I never did outside of tiny experiments), so that can also be a thing for anyone to remix, or add more lyrics to.

But no rush, safety first, rest well! I hope you can make music when it gives you something, when it does you good… but don’t let it drain you to give others something, if you know what I mean, no matter how beautiful it may be.


global warming,
got up, still yawning,
gettin hotter in the mornin,
gots ta chill under the awning
chillin wit nice nerds,
but i worry bout the icebergs,
ya herd?

(LofiMat) #24

(Zer0 Fly) #25

It also has its little upsides and benefits. I just remembered some very funny ride some years ago, was practising guitar improvisation to try to divert focus from the voices in the head when I suddenly thought the calm spirit of jimi hendrix was playing inside me for some measures waaaaoooow what a ride, first time in my life my hands played easily, but it lasted only for short duration…

(LofiMat) #26

Atleast he doesnt seem to want to kill everyone and do that kind of crap. Puhhhh :tada:

(neinMC) #27

If you think you have something to say, can you say it directly? And if you can’t, can you stop spamming around your inability make a coherent point?

If you, for whatever reasons, can’t refrain from this hurr durr bullshit, and if you’re actually so shitty as a human being you find this cute and funny, and if this forum is apparently some kind of 4chan free for all - then you better be able to hold your own or cry me a river.

(LofiMat) #28

Ick hab mit eso-rappern straight outta Waldoof - School nix zu bequatschen, genauso wenig wie mit online zivi fuzzys die uff checker machn. Machs jut DUMPFBÄKCHEN :rofl:

(neinMC) #29

He’s saying he doesn’t have anything to say to intellectual rappers (well, people who visited a school beyond third grade, really, to him it’s the same thing obviously) who are acting like they’re all that online. In other words, instantly to implied physical violence, because you can’t even make a coherent point, online or offline, or understand anything anyone is talking about. And you assume that just because you are dumb and a pussy, everybody who isn’t quite as dumb as you has to be even more of a pussy. You’re fucking wrong.

And if you don’t have anything to say to me, why did you get on my dick in the first place, and why are you stil on it? Why do you find it necessary to make shit up about me. Yeah, because you so don’t care, because I didn’t hit bulls eye at all.

How about you keep this up and reap rewards in the form of self-defense and/or legal consequences? You aren’t man enough to talk like an adult, you don’t seem to be able to stfu, so what else is there?

edit: I don’t know if Discord handles timestamps, but the relevant bit is at 12m31s:

(Zer0 Fly) #30

Please don’t be so rude. I know sometimes mood can be elevated, and then the ego needs to be negotiated with everything around. But I don’t think this thread where I ask for respect for the downed among us is a proper place for any disrespect. I mean c’mon, you want to disrespect respect in itself? What kind of respect would you then be worth yourself?

Also people please just let the trolls do their thing and don’t try to fight back, its just words, and words alone don’t cut through flesh, they just itch and that is sane and okay to be this way. Please just scratch yourself and then let it be. After all a negative rambling mind, or a zealous fighting mind, is just the outcome of constant lack or blinding of consciousness and awareness. Once you really internalised that fact you should rather feel pity for the disrespecters, not anger or hate which will just make the whole situation ever more and more destructive.


chillin wit sue and barney,
think theres gonna be a tsunami,
maybe a earthquake,
pollution in the lake,
dust is engines make,
havin a milkshake,
too hot,
no more snow,
there you go,
whatcha know,
needin a sunshade on the patio,
yo. uh, whu whu whut,

Global warming…
global warming is wack son.
stop the engiines,
yall is f**kin wit the igloos,
whatcha choose,
sooner or later,
no more beaver or moose.

habitat, gettin wack,
gotta attack, littering
keep the trash in the haversack,
or the fanny pack,
or hamper…
careful to dispose of the pamper.
dont throw.

(neinMC) #32

That I feel pity doesn’t mean I won’t fight back. I’m not responsible for teaching people, I’m responsible for enforcing my boundaries.

But I don’t think this thread where I ask for respect for the downed among us is a proper place for any disrespect.

Right, so people trolling, that’s fine, but speaking clearly to them, that’s not. Why don’t you take your own advice? If me reacting to someone, whose problems seem to be what I wrote in German in another thread, “itches” you, why don’t you scratch it? Why preach to me about disrespect and “constant lack of consciousness and awareness”?

So, good luck with the trolls and meditating them away or whatever. But if you think global warming, or anything serious, can be meaningfully addressed by not stepping on toes that don’t want to be stepped on, and seeing it through, then you have a whole other surprise coming.

A tiger catches a mouse with his whole strength. A tiger does not ignore or slight any small animal. The way he catches a mouse and the way he catches and devours a cow is the same. But usually, although you have many problems, you think they are minor, so you don’t think it is necessary to exert yourself… So even though the problems you have in your everyday life are small, unless you know how to solve them you will have big difficulties.

– Shunryu Suzuki

When someone hits me, I take their arm. If they hit me again, I take the other. If they had ambitions or a family to feed, tough shit.

(Zer0 Fly) #33

I understand your intentions. However, in this case, the weapon wielded was anticipation of angry reactions regarding his disrespectful postings, dragging everyone down. To take his weapon away, you should have seen that and accepted - by doing nothing there would have been the win, with the odd post that was thought as instigator looming around like a foreign particle, without anyone caring, with people not giving attention to his xth forum account anymore, dragging him down instead of everyone else.

I have at some point chosen not to fight anymore with aggression. Because it just pulls people down, even if you win. I just wait, and see if it destroys me or not, this destruction still being better than being trapped in circles of aggression and counter-aggression.

See, my psychosis tought it to me the hard way. I was presented with some pointed “tool” inside my head, and the idea that I could mess with it with mental formations inside my head to get out of the tormenting nonstop delusion. I think I initially didn’t want to try as I did not know what the fuck was going on, but then the psychosis made my head spin in wicked ways until it could trick me to actually want destructive action towards my thoughts. Well, however, it did not bring me peace but just made my head spin a lot more, and it left part of me having to feel mentally mutilated once in a while, with ability to think removed. Another thing was the chakra fire, it was like I was presented with some annoying mental visions of a being inside my head, and then it tricked me to want to burn it, making me feel as if I died while doing it, leaving part of me unable to have normal emotions any more. Well, destructions wasn’t for leaving me down, as psychosis is, something has just taken me, enabling me to live my life on, though it feels strange at times and it seems to make me do weird things like starting this thread at times, I seem to get along pretty well this way. I’m pretty sure in future I’d be more cautious with any psychosis-related internal actions as well as actions in the real world.

Stuff like this, this is hard psychosis. But it tought me to be more cautious of aggressive behaviour and its consequences. Sometimes it is best to ignore the itch of wanting some nice social stand above somebody, and just give in to let the opponent do whatever he wants, though not following his will. Chances are, that opponent might just down himself with his action. And if one gets destroyed, one at least did not cause too much destruction with own aggressive actions. This philosophy made me stand for my rejection of violence, and nurturing it, it can bring up ways to solve problems in other ways, as the mind will always look for ways to solve problemativ situations.

Like Greta Thunberg said in an interview, when asked how she would deal with the heavy criticism by climate sceptics, she thought a little and then said: “I don’t.” - that is sometimes indeed the most proper way to deal with idiots.


Sorry if i sounded insensitive with the rhymes on global warming. The idea reminded me of captain planet ‘hes a hero, take pullution down to zero’. I hadnt read the whole of the thread, I just read the last bit about how you guys wanted to do rhymes about global warming.

Now that ive read the other posts, sounds like a seriously fucked up problem. Good luck getting rid of that somehow, really hope thay can shut the fuck up and stop the brainwashing, interrogation, experimentation shit that you mentioned. I saw some documentary where some people say they have professional interogations going on inside, exactly like a police interrogation.

The world is fucked up right now not just global warming, but all the nasty racist, bigoted shit that has come to the surface again along with donald trump…but not only america and europe, look how fucked up china and russia are, how fucked up a lot of very successful business people are worldwide.

On top of that, everyone posing all vain and narcissistic online, brainwashed, driven herd, everyone trying to push someone else down to get to the top quicker or trying to impress someone to gain something. I could keep writing all the things, is just a massive rabbit hole. There are fucking douchebags everywhere so I dont blame you for getting down about it. Maybe some of that other shit is something to do with bloodflow, goes away a bit with smoking weed and vasodilation it causes, maybe goes away more permanently with drinking more water than usual, less caffeine, and long excersise everyday. I knew a few people who had schizophrenia and they all said the pills they were given made it worse. Maybe its those pills that do the damage. You say they dont work so why take them? If you do need tham then fair enough.

there most definitely are actual, real world, fucked up dickheads around everywhere these days… whatever they want to call themselves (patriots or whatever), no one can claim that is psychosis. They are all just pretending they are super sensible to impress someone else, but when you really think about what they have said, they are fucking idiots. They have to tear down other people just to keep the illusion of themselves being sophisticated up. Everyone with any sense notices these kind of arrogant, poser, sicophant. They wont shut up, triggered by any little thing…they imagine they have authority over others…probably 50% of the whole world wants them to fuck off. Always talking shit, trying to act ‘high ranking’. Have to ignore them. They are like little kids with too much money, all the other dumb kids around them try to impress them… Its like the lyrics to that barrington levy song,

(img%) #35

you don’t know what about you talk schizophrenia whitout med i’m a dead men

(Zer0 Fly) #36

I do the meds, without I’d be dead man already. They just happen to not always work well for everyone.


fair enough if you think they help you.
other people might say they are the very thing which causes the blood flow problem in the first place. Look at the side effects.

What are the hallucinations saying to you?
Right wing propaganda shit? Psychoanalysis shit? Punishments for ‘wrong’ behaviours?


Anyway, hope you can get rid of them.
Makes me think sometimes, is it because there are gangs of police and psychiatrists hanging around on music forums looking for ‘drill’ and ‘trap’ ‘gangsters’…and also the usual 4chan little douchebag retards trying to be funny and piss people off.

(Zer0 Fly) #39

It generally mentally putting in chains psychically and massaging the psyche in different ways. Like you either loose your dignity, or you loose every grain of fear inside of you. Yeh such simulated interrogation stuff I had a little maybe when the sickness started many years ago, but I saw only the beginning of it as I resisted and ignored it it just went away and played different songs. Mostly about spiritual, phantastic or science fiction stuff. Keeps pressing me hard into many very difficult situations with mental imagery. It is usually playing a path from trying to win trust into pure chikanery and harassment, then it entice me a little with beautiful states of mind, then keep punching at me again, over and over again.


something like what the online political trolls do, try to get you laughing with them, act like they are cool friends who really understand and get what your thinking, until you disagree with them then its ‘punishments’, rape threats, death threats, anything to upset you…after that conditioning another slow build up, gathering information by acting like your friend and using a stupid laughing tone when they speak, getting you to laugh along with their dumb jokes, trying to make friends with you, acting like the opposite of what they are until you disagree, then its punishments again, death threats etc. repeating the same process, interrupting everything you try to say, ending sentences for you with incorrect information that wasnt what you were going to say, then carrying on speaking quickly so you can not continue, until you submit and agree to nod your head to every statement they make, until you speak with the same stupid police or football lad accent, repeating until your everyday speech and thoughts contains the same stupid slogans and catchphrases they have been repeating over and over again. “havent got a leg to stand on…”, “you not wrong, but…” “…hanging by a thread”, all these stupid visual political slogans. Always making statements which can gather information, judging by your reaction to those statements, rather than asking questions directly…just like police interogation. Dirty conman shit. Brainwashers.
They might ask a question by trying to get you to laugh with their stupid unfunny jokes for two or three hours, nothing of any relevence, then suddenly spring a loaded statement on you like, for example (in a ‘cracking up’ laughing, laddish tone of voice) ’ [someone you know] really likes the drugs!’ , your supposed to be laughing in response, then the answer is yes and they have a lead to work with repetitively…maybe asking questions like the ones below in that indirect way.

Who sells the drugs?
Where are the drugs?
You know who sells the drugs!
Which song names are code words for drugs!
What is the current slang for drugs!
You were in northern iraq!
You were in Riyadh!
You have a gun!
You know someone who has a gun!
You sell heroin!!
You were in northern france!
You are a communist!
You were involved in a theft!
I have seen you in [a certain town]!
You were in [a specific restaurant] in [a certain town]!
You know a pedophile!
Who is a pedophile!
You know a ganster!
What clothes does he wear!
What address!
You know someone by the name of [whatever]!
He knows someone by the name of [whatever]!
They are friends on facebook, where did they meet in real life?!!

On and on like a police interogation but also including political brainwashing…other races are bad. They are violent gangsters, europeans are dying out, losing their homeland, morereasonable political opinions are laughable and stupid, hardcore racist football hooligan shit is framed as ‘sensible’ and ‘grown up’…like a police interogation which incorporates political brainwashing. Anything to stop your response to them…speaking quickly, with a tone that makes it seem like they are about to say something really important, then continuing and continuing until you are too tired to respond, then continuing more and more…

Its sly, sneaky statments like the statments politicians make, for example

“we look forward to the process taking its course” = we are afraid of the outcome

" [the] investigation focused on questions that go to the integrity of our democracy itself" = the democracy has little or no integrity

“I remain committed to as much transparency as possible” = will lie as much as i can get away with

“least untrue” = all lies

“determine the appropriate next steps” = do nothing or delay

“always believed it was important that…” = it is important but it was not done

“acted accordingly” = involved in criminal activity but able to avoid conviction

“although [something] is not necessarily [something] it seems that it is the case that [something]” =I will lie or make up the facts now and i will be able to back out of the lie later…
Seemingly making a convincing argument with the use of factual evidence, whilst not having to commit to the statement.
If the statement is challenged as being a non-factual statement,
it will be easy to claim that the speaker did not present the information as factual information but rather as opinion ( “not necessarily”, “seems that”, “may well be that” etc. ).

“and i will say…”, “and may i just add…” etc. = used to interrupt someone and keep talking over
them if they are about to respond.

“my major concern now is…” = I will speak about something other than what i was questioned about

“as more information comes to light…[something]”,
"we are still trying to get to the bottom of [something] -

i am speaking without any proof or evidence about what i am saying.

And so on…always trying to cheat you…