Wives/girlfriends Etc Moaning About You 'music Making'

I get this all the time “you don’t spend any time with me, you’re always sitting at that computer with those headphones on” blah, blah, blah.

She sits and watches soaps/reality gameshows and all that crap, so if I spoke to her I’d get told to shut up anyway!

I have friends who spend their freetime fishing, drinking in pubs or playing football, that type of thing, at least I’m in the house for Christ sake!!

Anyone else suffer this?

No, because I was wise enough to choose a TPE relationship.

Wikipedia gave me the following for ‘TPE’ so I’m confused by your answer:

TPE may refer to:

Chinese Taipei (IOC and FIFA country code: TPE), the designated name used by the Republic of China (Taiwan) to participate in international organizations
Portuguese Timorese escudo, (ISO 4217 currency code: TPE), the former currency of Portuguese Timor
Taiwan Taoyuan International Airport (IATA code: TPE), an airport serving Taipei, Republic of China (Taiwan)
Tampines Expressway, a major highway in Singapore
Teaching Performance Expectations
Teton Petroleum Company (AMEX ticker symbol: TPE), an oil and gas exploration company operating in Russia
Thermoplastic elastomer, materials with both thermoplastic and elastomeric properties
Ton Petroleum Equivalent, or ton of oil equivalent, a parameter used in renewable energy (equivalent to 45,217.44 megajoules)
Total Power Exchange, a BDSM term relating to the concept of power exchange in a D/s relationship
Towards Performance Excellence, an organizational framework introduced by Jacques Kemp, CEO of ING in Asia Pacific, which moves an organization from aligned strategy to aligned execution
Trans-Pacific Express, a submarine telecommunications cable linking China, South Korea, Taiwan, and USA.
Transfer Price Evaluation, a common term for the estimated market value of a player in the online football management game Hattrick
TransPennine Express, a train operating company in the United Kingdom
The Program Exchange
Twisted pair ethernet

Or ‘True Power Exchange’, as we prefer to call it. My wife wanted us to build a TPE relationship after years of quarrels and disharmony. Today, after much training, she’s very submissive and extremely happy. Our relationship is more deep and loving than ever before. It required much effort and pain, but it was worth it.

Today it just doesn’t exist in my world – or in any of my friends world – to actually tolerate that a girlfriend or wife tells you what to do or complains when you choose to create something. When a women does this, she needs to be asserted and put into place.

When I make music, my girl just sits on the floor beside me. She aims to please. And that’s how it should be.

Check out http://www.takeninhand.com if you want some more info.

i also have a serious problem regarding my better half… :S
and i get the same words in my face again and again, though
im getting better at giving her some of my time. mending stuff,
talking with her while watching tv soaps. taking walks with her
2 times a week. stuff we do together earns me some time alone ;D
GIVE / TAKE … isnt that what every relationship is all about?
eighter its your female, friend or family?

it’s like, if you don’t send postcards for christmas, how many do
you get in return?

If your other half understands that not arguing results in pleasure and happiness in general this should not be necessary.
Such cultivations of relationships often are a result of one or more folks that get fed up with one thing, most likely forthcoming from not understanding eachother’s temper.

If you want to know what i mean read this article and learn to know yourself but perhaps your other half as well:

Then you can choose to give eachother space to be who you are and accept the other who he/she is.
(Total personal freedom)
BDSM is an option if you both feel good about it.
If such a change causes pain and grief you are either not doing something good or one of both is not happy with the idea.
If there is no happiness, there will be no long sustaining relationship.

my girlfriend did not live in my city at the beginning of our relationship, so she felt quite lonely when she moved here, and honestly I was not good enough at understanding she needed more by me during that phase.

anyway, I was clear since the first day: I have some hobbies (Renoise, playing drums, playing basketball, playing chess) and I want to keep them, so forget everything you learned during your previous relationships: if you got some hobbies before, now it’s time for getting them back and practice them while I’m practicing mine.

now she got back her time and I got mine. of course, we still struggle at times about this topic, last time was 2 days ago :rolleyes:

No one persuades me to make more music like my wife, and she’s really supportive. The minor problem is that she loves ballads and waltz!

No. that’s not how it should be. Get a dog.

I’m in a relationship, I have none of the problems you are all complaining about. I was in past relationships, I had problems.

Lesson? It seems to me you are all in the wrong relationships.

Why would you marry a woman who watches soap operas and bitches at you all day? Or a subservient ego stroker? There are far more creative and intelligent beings out there. If you can’t find that person there’s always solitude. The world is overpopulated anyways.

Another thing is getting creative feedback from you loved one ;D

i for one has given up sharing my music with her, since she likes
top20 hitlist music, backstreet boys and celine dion. and to my surprise
she likes early 80s punk/newwave music. this pleases me :D

Get a studio outside the home and allocate music time on the weekly. It’s an expense, but would probably solve the issue.

AMEN !!! ^_^

I agree 101%

yeah, i know that problem :) The cause of the problem is that she is bored. Try to help her find some hobbys or encourege her to do things she is interested in.

And also, dont live togther, unless you have kids or something.

Just take care that neither of both gets too much depended upon the other. That is the true killer.
You are right about the hobbies, but a woman usually often wants to spend quality time with you as a partner and not alone.
If you can find a good balance in those spare time spending opportunities, you have a solid ground to nag back if the woman starts to loose her temper. And this is what can happen too easily with lots of women. (Hormones)
Also take care your partner has other friends as well. This is one of the things that prevents the dependency situation i described above.

My ex used to moan about me making music a tad too much… so I dumped her and decided to dedicate rest of this year for work, school and music making. Right now I couldn’t possibly put myself into a relationship with anyone, it would take too much of my time - considering time is truly limited when you really start to give boosts to your dear hobbies.

Actually I barely have time for my friends nowadays so thinking of a woman being involved… nah, I’ll find a better time for dating later. Music is now my beloved. And I feel good about it too. If I didn’t, guess I wouldn’t be doing it.

Every relationship is different and even if some of them seem morally wrong to you, it isn’t necessary wrong for those people. What people like you don’t understand is that there are people who LOVE being submissive, and are happy only in those kind of relationships.

As for me, I’m in a perfect relationship atm, she even does music with me.

Yes, it’s my right hand.

Oppression breeds submission, not the other way around.

If their relationship works, good for them! It’s not like I’m going to interfere.

But posting “and that’s how it should be” is bullshit and demands retort.

Master slave relationships imply a master, which is fascist. I can’t support that in my life. I can’t agree with it in a discussion.

A little disclaimer may be in order here. Of course I don’t mean to suggest that everyone should arrange their marriages in the typical top/bottom structures that TPE and similar power exchange models adopt. I’m not advocating patriarchy, nor do I want a conservative-theocratic society where women are subordinated to men.

TPE stands for “Total Powers Exchange”. Observe the ‘exchange’ part. We’re talking of a mutual, consenting, loving relationship here. Those who can’t read what I wrote and instead insist on projecting their own horrors and from there conclude that I must be an abusive husband because I let my wife sit in handcuffs on the floor and occasionally whip her while I make music in Renoise – well, that just shows how little you know. That’s just prejudice. Why even attack a personal preference? You don’t find it appropriate to comment on my music taste, so why cross the line in regard to my choice of relationship?

Maybe to some people this sounds like abuse and fascism, but it really isn’t. Not even close. It’s a volontary game. We’re in it because we both want to, because we both love it and because it lets us be free as persons. Plus it is a “hobby project” that we can both enjoy and have fun with together 24/7.

In fact, we are equals in everything (but she actually earns more money than I do). She’s a feminist, but not a feminazi. We both engage in civil rights movements and want to live in a society where the individual is free to choose his/her own lifestyle in the pursuit of happiness. We’re strongly opposed to fascism in politics – just follow the link in my signature. She’s also a very strong, intelligent, creative and independent person with lots of interests and projects of her own.

Now one positive side-effect with TPE is that you gradually identify and map out the many power structures that are implicit in the relationship itself. This information is valuable, because it lets us discuss in which areas we should exchange powers and in which areas we shouldn’t (i.e. instead blast inequalities).

I don’t agree with the assumption that if your partner doesn’t please you (no pun intended), you disintegrate the relationship and break up with her. This isn’t my way of handling things. Especially over such trivial matters such as her watching trash TV or bitching about your hobbies. Instead try to inspire her to change that behaviour. But you need to take action, as a man, and lead your woman if she can’t always do it herself. That’s what love is all about.

And that’s all that I’ll say on this matter. I don’t see any value in spending time to clear out misunderstandings and prejudices. If anyone wants to know more about my lifestyle, just read further at takeninhand.com.

Good luck with your relationships! :slight_smile:

First, thank you for clarifying your position. Please understand that, to me this is a discussion. I have nothing against you, your wife, or your lifestyle. I’m not judging you. I was merely responding to your terse comment, which was very inflammatory, in a way I felt equally poignant. You sound like you have it together. With that said:

Nor do I. My relationships are not short term, not in the least.

I feel people get together and stick it out when in fact they should take more time before committing, or at least discuss long term goals and committing to them together, a mutually agreed upon pact i.e. marriage. If you never commit there’s nothing wrong with that too.

Ask yourself why are you in this situation in the first place? Life is short. Don’t waste it with someone you don’t belong with. No one will reward you for dying miserable and being Pavlov’s experiment.

Just one more comment:

Maybe I could have phrased myself better. Of course I meant this in the sense “and that’s how it should be – within my own life context”. The focus on my own relationship is implicit. Or at least I meant it to be. I’m not judging other people’s relationships.

Now you also comment on the Master/slave type of relationships. Your conclusion is simply false. It’s a non sequitor. You might as well argue that a parent is a child’s dictator. Do you have any personal experience of M/s relationships or is it just common prejudice and ignorance behind this statement?